Hello life-giving sun

hi friend,

please check out my latest update to “We Are ONE” on the “page” side of my blog, to the right. every week i’ll upload a few more pages of this picture book for you.

wow, the “brains” behind wordpress have really messed me up! somehow they’ve changed the editing format and i can’t see what i’m typing, so bear with me if things are…weird. i’ll do my best, and shoot them an e-mail to tell them of their well-intentioned, but mis-placed latest updates!

i wanted to share today, the joy of stretching. simple hatha yoga changed my life, literally. yesterday i had the pleasure of introducing a new friend to sun salutes, and today i am with you, too. if you haven’t already tried this easy-to-do, yet life-changing method of stretching-along-with-breathing, i’m encouraging you, right here, right now, to try it.

this drawing is my version of a sun salute. i drew it to illustrate how one must imagine their own “private sun” above them, because i was teaching at the time to girls in prison. even if you’re in a cell, you can bow and honor the source of all life on Earth…the sun. here’s the 12 steps (poses, called “asanas”) of a sun salute, surya namaskar, a yoga vinyasa (series of flowing poses).

1208-ocean-ent-images-009

a series of poses called the sun salute, "surya namaskar"

and here are simple, step-by-step directions, and PLEASE, enjoy yourself!

1. go very slowly. you will increase speed as you loosen up. first poses is standing with hands folded at your heart, breathe in and out, and steady your busy mind by focusing your eyes on one spot. thank you says your body, your heart, and your mind.  end on an exhale.

2. inhale and lift your arms overhead, either to the side, like opening wings, or just up and over your head. keep your legs straight and only bend over backwards if you feel like it. that can come later. on this first round of the sun salute it’s good to stay in each of the 12 poses for several breaths. up to you, but don’t rush. eventually, you will coordinate the poses with your in and out breathing, but for now…just enjoy the stretch and stay with what your body tells you (huh?) it needs, like how many breaths do you want to stretch this particular way.

3. exhale and slowly arch your back and bend forward. let your head and neck completely relax. Hang there. Hang hang hang. let gravity do some work for a change. when you’re ready to go into the next pose, engage your abs so you protect your back.

4. inhale and take your right leg backwards into a full lunge. MOST IMPORTANT here is to make sure your left knee is directly over your left ankle. place fingertips of floor, torso goes downward, as your back gently bends upward. again, enjoy the stretch for several breaths at the beginning of your practice.

5. exhale and bring your left leg back along your right and make a high arch with your butt way up in the sky, into a “downward dog” pose. let your head go completely loose. don’t worry if your feet don’t completely go flat, that will happen eventually. point here is to PUSH away from the floor with your hands (shoulder-width apart) and up with your strong legs (hip-width apart) with your hands energetically engaged with the floor, the index fingers pointing straight ahead. enjoy your breath.

6. here you have a choice! ahhhh, choices. that which makes or breaks our lives. beginnings sink to your knees now, and slowly come forward onto your belly, not moving your arms, into a “small cobra.” more seasoned stretchers, you can, with your elbows CLOSE TO YOUR BODY 9otherwise you’ll compromise your rotator cuff, in shoulder joint), “swoop” your body in an arcing motion, from a bent-knee half-bow to… a beautiful, graceful “big cobra”…with arms more fully extended, but with your pelvic bones still on or nearly on the floor. enjoy your breath. eventually, this will all be accomplished on a single exhale. really.

7. inhale and enjoy the snake pose, bhujangasana, “the cobra.” keep your pelvic bones as close or on the floor as you can, while streching the lower back muscles, gentle!  

8. exhale and push yourself back into the downward dog position. check your alignment (arms shoulder-width; feet hips-width, arms pushing, butt upward…so much to remember, but hey! you’re your OWN TEACHER!!!) EMPOWERMENT…it’s YOU! right within your own self.

9.  inhale and bring your right leg forward into a lunge on the oother side. you may have to “help” your leg get up there at first, so just hop it along, but make sure your right knee is directly over that right ankle. thank you.

10. exhale and push yourself into a forward bend, and fell the difference. ommygod!! you are probably fainting from sheer pleasure at this point. i know i am with each first sun salute of the day. yummmmm.

11. inhale and please engage your abs before you stretch up and over your head with your arms straight, and palms eventually touching, into a small backbend, if you wish only. with ab muscles still engaged …

12. bring yourself from the little standing backbend into your original pose, the moutain, “tadasana.” With hands at your heart give great thanks to the sun (still above you, even if only in your mind!) and the life it shines upon this gorgeous blue garden planet of ours, which grows such delicious things as you, and all the food we need to sustain ourselves.

Repeat the above with your LEFT leg back, and bringing your left leg forward at end of the vinyasa.

By learning to empower your own self, using your body to strengthen your life, center your stormy emotions, and uplift your small-things centered mental faculties, your life will automatically expand. the teacher is within you. your body is a gift. keep it strong, clean, and agile, and you will be honoring the most important teacher–YOU!!–you’ll ever have. the Great Spirit lives within us all! really!

I hope you enjoy this little yoga lesson i’m sharing with you. occasionally i’ll give some tips. lordflea does love hatha yoga, the physical poses, so very much, that i want the entire world to know these ancient, but very effective moves that keep us fit, grateful, and calm (thanks to the breathing, the key to inner peace).

in the Light, lord flea singing our song of ONE

Staring at my feet

Friends,

the importance of what i spend my time doing the most of has been central in my thinking of late. y’know: you are what you eat, and you certainly become what you think. that’s why i haven’t been bloggin’ as of late. wanted to keep centered in my heart, and not just spew, at least for the sake of spewing.

i do this occasionally. withdraw and feel life living me, instead of trying to be so active, so concerned, so consumed with “other” that i forget this experience of life itself. here’s another way of looking at it:

the interconnectedness of All

the interconnectedness of All

all i have is my self, and my Self–the little me that squirms with responsibilities and worries, and the big Me that knows there is more to this life than i’ll ever know…and to feel the majesty, the magic, the wonder of it all is more than enough for me to be concerned about. certainly enough upon which to base my creative energies’ pursuits–my arting, as i call it, whether i paint, draw, make a garden, a cake, or sew a sail, write a book–or blog.

this feeling of being connected to all came to me as a child. then i lost it. then i rediscovered it later, mostly through working on getting rid of the garbage that my mind collected over the years. now i have trained myself to stay as much as possible in that simple place, that inner place, where the breath connects with even the movement of faraway galaxies, and the knowledge, the Truth of feeling connected is real–this is my daily experience.

the drawing i use as an example shows us all in our “Higher Self”… our so-called “angelic” bodies…that part of our nature that is connected to the Highest good for all. yes–we all have that in our nature, whether you are aware of it or not, whether you exercise that birthright, that ownership of your highest nature, or not.

living in the moment; accepting our sacredness, our divine nature–our Higher Self: this is the way of living i want to share with you, not because of any other reason but my humble offering to help make the world a better place to live in.

we are not all just scrambling around trying to get something to eat, or make happen, or elect, or conquer, or succeed, or even be good at. but yes, we all exisit as individual cells within the larger “thing” that makes up this known reality…what is called the Universe (and some call, simply, “God”).

we're all a part of a whole

we are all One, breathe, and feel: Truth

many other things have passed my mind, and of course i’ve been doing many (many!) other things since my last entry here. don’t worry. some of you who read my blog might think i’m just a holy-roller who only sits around contemplating my navel. but no—-i have a family, a job, lots of social duties, and creatively i’m consumed by writing a nonfiction narrative, illustrated, naturally, which i am debating about uploading here, so i can let you, friends on my web, read as i write, day by day. but…i haven’t decided to or not. ha ha! all i can say for now is…writing this book is certainly my immediate, and main creative focus, not this blog.

my garden has been covered with an entire truckload of mulch, delivered free by a tree-man who took down a big One over at my mother’s place. Carter and i’ve been doing lots of HOT HOT yoga, in our little yoga shed, which i call the santosa shack (santosa being contentment in Sanskrit). we chant, we meditate, we even attend his church, ahhweeee, diversity in God-liness! lots of cooking (made dosas twice this past couple weeks…a lentil and rice fermented east Indian flat bread, terribly exotic tasting, and terribly nutritious because of the legume and grain mixture). what else? oh so much biking, hiking, rehabing my knee, still injured from dancing too fiercely at daughter’s wedding way back in June. injuries take energy. life takes care. time is precious. do i use it wisely? i try to. when i lay my head down on my pillow, i feel rewarded by deep, comforting, beautiful sleep. what a gift, life is.

i will do a page next, i promise, on a subject i’ve been thinking a lot about: what to say to someone who is really, truly, either physically, spiritually, or mentally suffering.  because recently i ran into an old acquaintance, who has all the world at her feet: she’s rich, successful, socially powerful and consciously humanitarian beyond measure—but—she’s absolutely miserable.  the only outer proof, however, is that of her uncontrollable, mind-numbing, self-pitying drinking.  of course she’s in denial about having a drinking problem. and i simply can’t share with her my own experience in that matter (being in alcohol and drug addiction recovery now for my third decade)…but i can post a page here. perhaps one day a chink will open in her tightly-bricked-up facade, and what a person formerly-miserable (me) has to share with another who still is (her), will make a difference.

a little light in the well of darkness, that’s all i attempt to do…with my art, with my words, and now with this public web-spew.

so look on the right hand side in a day or say and you’ll see a new page. those pages stay up, where this post side changes when i enter a new one.

whew! i finally figured that out! now, if only i can find my beautiful color paintings. let me see, let me try again. a treat for you, perhaps?

plants, animals, mineral--we are all One

plants, animals, mineral--we are all One

i love each and every one of you, truly! lord flea

blessings on our new president!

hi friends,

no matter how each of us votes today, i pray Great Spirit will guide the best choice (along with each and every one of us…all a part of Great Spirit, too!) to make the best candidate win the necessary votes.

politics on turtle island

politics on turtle island

who am i voting for? well, that’s an interesting question. but fortunately for YOU this is not a political discussion, here on lordflea’s blog. so…i’ll save that for my book. have a joyous day, and please VOTE!!! your choice should be heard now…because whomever is chosen, and i mean WHO-EVER!!! let’s come together as a nation, as a family of humanity, and heal. let’s stop the whining, the blaming, and the anger, and let’s get busy and heal ourselves.

in the Light, lord flea singing the song of Turtle Island politics,

“politics is poison,” says my hopi friend, Bucky. “nah,” says i, “it just be a dance, and you must move in it to feel the beat.”

VOTE!!! anyone who doesn’t vote is … well, this isn’t a political blog, remember? yahhhhhhh. ahhhhh-men, and ahhhhhhh-women too!

following your passion … whichever way the wind blows ya

hello friend,

i’ve been sailing and motoring the inways, byways and channels around st. augustine this week!  in between nursing others in my family, and attending to bizness as usual, i had to do something to blow out the steam, and … sailing, being on the water, is one of my passions, as well as laughing, dancing, being with great groovy people, traveling, learning new things, writing stories and making art. whew! so many passions.

st. augustine lighthouse seen from the Ace Lady, a friend's sailboat

st. augustine lighthouse seen from sailboat Ace Lady

my passions are many.  some have more.  some…only politics, it seems these days.  whatever yours are, i hope you enjoy pursuing them.  and if you haven’t, or haven’t made time to pursue them, i urge you to do that … like now!

take the owner of Ace Lady, for instance:

Captain Priscilla of Ace Lady at the helm

Captain Priscilla of Ace Lady at the helm

Priscilla is a single woman, an expert solo sailor, self confident and extremely capable, who is following her dream.  priscilla puts everything she has into making sure that dream of hers comes true: owning and operating a sturdy, ocean-going sailboat.  it’s not easy, what priscilla is doing, because the maintenance alone (not to mention the sailing) of such a vessel is … well, beyond comprehension to most landlubbers, such as we.  but priscilla finds the time (in between a successful massage therapy business) to maintain her boat, sail it near and far, chartering it out as much as possible (see www.aceladysails.com for more info).  i greatly admire people like priscilla.  they defy the odds, and make sure their dreams become reality.  bravo priscilla!!

this anchored boat, with its mast under repair, represents another sailor’s passion: as demonstrated by the bedazzling woodworking you see everywhere onboard, representing hundreds of hours of labor-intensive savvy!

every scrap of wood is passionately cared for

every scrap of wood is passionately cared for

even this boat owner’s dingys are exquisitely varnished.  he was down below, no doubt, sanding or applying his loving craft to another woody surface, whistling, happy.  following his passion.

and you?  what’s your passion?  are you at least thinking of how you’ll be able to honor that passion today?  even if, like myself, some days you just can’t.  but no matter how stresed or strained we are, at least we can plan on how our passions will evolve some other day, if we’re busy with other things.  because, as we all know, the unfolding of our realities all start with the thoughts we hold continuously in our minds.

as for my passions:  this week i’ve had to put my love (honestly, it’s an out-and-out obsession) of writing and arting to one side to make space to care-take my mom (still recovering from her T.I.A.), and also husband Carter, who didn’t do what i did when i felt “the bug” invade my body last week (we both got it).  i rested, he didn’t.  i’m not as sick, he’s dog-dead-in-the-ditch sick.  i chose to not do as much and he’s paying the price, poor baby (guys! what is it about guys?!).  for a few days i had to put my passions on hold, to heal myself.  and here i am now, nurse lordflea, nursing others, making sure mom takes her meds; making chamomile tea with honey and lemon in the middle of the night for carter, and yesterday,  a big pot of chicken soup bubbling on the stove, with lots of homeopathic remedies at the bedside of the sick co-captain of our ship, called relation.  for the moment at least, my passion for arting (which most definitely includes writing) is put aside for the good of the bigger picture.

but…my passion of being one with the Divine…is never put on hold.  THAT i can do, whether i’m busy, sick, traveling, or involved with others’ passions, projects, or peculiar personalities:

Sufi Bird...flying as high as he can, as i try

Sufi Bird...flying as high as he can, as i try

here’s another shot of the gorgeous st. augustine lighthouse, which has always been one of my passions in life, and also, in my art:

the lighthouse, in reality

the lighthouse, in reality

and here you can see how my passion evokes another way of “seeing” st. augustine’s lighthouse:

Buddha's Foot; from the lighthouse series

Buddha's Foot, from the lighthouse series

in this series, i take the st. augustine lighthouse, which has always been a personal icon of mine, representing a tower of strength and courage, and use it here to remind me to follow my passion, to do whatever i have to do to take my journey of searching for Truth to the next level.  i use the lighthouse along with other universal, recognizable archetypes (painted in the small squares, surrounded by the matrix of space, time, and matter) as focus.  these paintins are reminders, meant to evoke humankind’s aspiring to a greater good (this is MY political activism, folks!).  just as we awake from a profound, prescient dream and only remember an image, a fragment of it here and there throughout the day, i attempt to portray in this series the remnants of a very real, very tangible inner remembrace: the images hint of who we really are, and where our spiritual journey (of the entire human race, mean) is taking us.  we run into these reminders, always, but do we stop to notice them?  bits and pieces of startling landscape, a word from a stranger, an angelic message on a bus ad, a glistening majestic river, a long road beckoning us to follow.  this series is about our path.  other places, other states of being-ness yet to explore.  here’s another of my lighthouse series, this one depicting an altogether different landscape. 

Moon Beach

Moon Beach

for years i used to run along st. augustine beach, and watch the lighthouse as it grew steadily more prominent.  i was always eager to see it rising over the sandy, sea oats-strewn dunes.  the closer i came to the lighthouse, the more excited i got.  my body would shiver, my breath felt sharper.  i was sure i felt the same as, and fully understood the significance of being “guided” that desperate sailors out at sea must have felt, whenever they sighted a lighthouse with the surrounding seas rough, the night dark, and the way, treacherous.  that’s my inspiration behind making this series.  i chose the lighthouse as my main motif, along with more recognizable totems of great impact, both spiritual and cultural, to convey a strong a message of hope to others.  this particular lighthouse, the one at st. augustine, has always been a beacon of inner strength in my own life.  here’s another of the series.

Shiva's Dance

Shiva's Dance

today, on blog lordflea, it seems to be: honor the Light Within Day!!  yes, that’s a passion of mine!  maybe you’ll feel the excitement i carry in my heart for the unseen Light we all carry within, by gazing at my lighthouse series.  i hope you enjoy them.  here’s the final in the series, as i wish you adieu, a very groovy day, enjoying whatever passion you happen to be engaged in at this very moment!

love from your pal, lord flea

Ghost Tree

Ghost Tree

Dare to be Spiritually Correct … huh?

Hi Friend,

Just back from Boston where we spent a pleasantly gentile weekend attending a gathering of old college friends. 

bridge to nowhere ... crossing the Charles River

bridge to nowhere ... crossing the Charles River

we got to share stimulating thoughts, discussions, symposiums, dances, exhibits, and most importantly, the sharing of life’s sweet laughter.

as i’d mentioned in an earlier post, i’m starting a new awareness about all of us catching ourselves in our tendencies to over-intellectualize and/or over-politicize, and become, more and more, aware of each opportunity to practice, and finally arrive at BEING … more and more … with practice, with joy, even … being SPIRITUALLY CORRECT

instead of being p.c. i suggest we all try to be, and help each other to remember to be … “S.C.” — spiritually correct.

you may laugh, but once you get the hang of this new movement, you’ll enjoy this carefree, “all for others” attitude, even in midst of the worst financial crisis, the most confusing and challenging of political climes.

take our pal Bob, here, showing off his new tattoo.  bob chose the ancient hebrew phrase honoring “Logos”… the “word” of Spirit … in his humble way of proclaiming his own brand of reminding himself to be spiritually correct.  a former businessman, now an ordained minister, bob has branded his love of Spirit into his very flesh.  i kept calling him “reverand biker bob” but … we just laughed, because surely he is not that.  bob’s tat is his own private reminder of his dedication to this new way of being:

Reverand Bob showing his new "logos" tattoo to Carter

Reverand Bob showing his new "Logos" tattoo

so, for the moment, my journey with you that my blog records, documenting my personal lust for art, nature, and adventure, is taking an inward turn as i report more about my most cherished discovery … that among all things people like to share about, the most important journey of all, and perhaps the most unbelievalbe … is a person’s discovering, and then embracing, the Inner Light within.

being Spiritually Correct, s.c., is to acknowledge this Truth (of Spirit) as not only real — but really important to remember.  to call yourself s.c. is to remind yourSelf to keep a heightened awareness ever at the center of all actions, all thoughts, in the rest of all our daily living, whatever that might entail.  being “spiritual” doesn’t mean just now and then.  being s.c. means to live with awakened recognition that we are all ONE.   being s.c. takes precedent over being any other kind of “correct,” be it social, political, intellectual, environmental, groovy, hip, religious, anti-religious, cultural or quaint, material or non-consuming, or … any other ways of being fashionably or unfashionably human.

try something new — be s.c. 

being s.c. means … letting go and letting Spirit into the scene.

Dive into living In Spirit, being s.c.

Dive into living In Spirit, being s.c.

fly from your restraints and you, too, can learn to fly, In Spirit!  let your own Inner Spirit be one with the knowledge that we are all connected, we are all One.  there is a discernible energy that connects us all.  as Chief Joseph said, “we are all connected, in the web of life.”

right now, everywhere i go and you, too, people are buzzing, ranting, non-sequituring, going off the wall (but not jumping out windows–yet!), being passionate about politics, the financial fiasco, the mess our environment is in.  on everyone’s minds is the need for climate change; we’re desperate for conscious, compassionate leadership.  and so it should be, all of us being passionate — right now — at this election time.  because we all must fight for what we believe in, and that includes stating, even fighting for our choices.  each of us must discern from the political pile the best of what is offered.

but come the evening of november 4th, we must all come together as One, no matter what the results of the u.s. presidential election is.

i won’t go into politics here.  this blog is not about that subject.  my thoughts are about art, nature, the environment, and the more important subjects (hey! it’s MY blog, right!) of finding the universal Truth that hides in the heart of all members of the human race, of all living beings, too.  we are all tiny cells in the body of what some call “God” but … it doesn’t matter what you call “IT.”  IT is a mysterious, mystical, but very real, very tappable energy.  IT is a force that is unseen, yet IT connects us all, in more ways than science has yet to discover, but they are quickly on the trail of pinpointing and proving: cellular knowledge, quantum physics, string theory.  stay tuned: michio kaku will explain it all, in all good time.

the IT of plants is the same as ...

the IT of plants is the same as ...

the IT within all … spiritual energy … a person’s chi, also called the kundalini, qi, tao, Great and Holy Spirit … whatever name we choose to call the Divine … is the only reality there is, the alpha, the omega, and … the Logos:

the Force within i call Noname

the Force within i call Noname

this is not serious, no-fun business i’m talking about here. i hope you realize i am reporting on the absolute certain joyousness i feel in my heart, and soul, based on my own experiences of discovering we are all One, all connected.  if you don’t think this is fun stuff–lighten up!  don’t get me wrong or put me in some box marked “weirdo serioso.”  no sirree.  when i speak of living a life based on being s.c. i’m conveying the choice to embrace an attitude, based on personal experience.  but don’t just scoff.   put this s.c. business into practice for yourself, and see your face light up, the smiles barge into your life, and others! 

a person whose life is based on being s.c. is much more prone to laughing and doing silly things like … being in an elevator with or without friends (as happened this past weekend up in Boston) and, for the hell of it, when the doors close and the strangers stuck with you refuse to look you in the eye, or even crack a smile … gently, mellowly start to Ooooooommmmmmmmmmmm.  you’ll feel the energy change, BIG TIME!!!  boy!  you’ll see, as we did, uptight strangers rush out of an elevator so fast you’re practically knocked down!  we laugh and we laugh, and we continue to Oooommmm in the most unlikely places, with or without friends.  this is all good, all great, all unbelievable loosening action:

BE A SPIRITUAL ACTIVIST … be s.c.

help others rid themselves of stiff, old, doesn’t-work, irrepressibly stuffy and unfun thinking that needs to be unwound from the human collective soul.  

let go let Spirit into your heart, and learn to fly!

let go let Spirit into your heart, and learn to fly!

so come on, i dare you!  do something totally whacked-out remindful of Spirit today, and forget being “proper” or “polite” or “afraid to offend”…. just spread the word, of IT, of God, of Spirit, however you sing that song of bliss, whatever the Name is, whatever IT means to you.  

IT may be nature.

allow yourself to become calm, secure enough, just for today, somewhere a wild bird might easily choose to come and rest upon your head.  sit still, and thoughtful, breathe, become filled with s.c. … in your yard, by your window, on a park bench … in a golden autumn meadow.

just allow yourself to feel the goodness of being in tune with the earth, this glorious earth that we are ever-more-consciously stewards of.  your activism starts with remembering the beating of your heart, of listening to your own breath.  your entire life will feel so much better if you invite your busy mind to just stop — for a little while — and merge with your natural surroundings. become safe enough for a wild bird to trust its life to, to alight upon the top of your head.  feel the tender feet of the bird believing you and IT are indeed, the same.

breathe deeply in, pushing your belly out with the in-breath… breathe gently and long out, contracting your belly with the out-breath.  merge with your breath.  why not?  what have you got to lose?

that is what i mean by being “spirituall correct.”

each of us can sit easily by the river of our lives ... in close connection ... being s.c. by just noticing how we breathe

each of us can sit easily by the river of our lives ... in close connection ... being s.c. by just noticing how we breathe

wishing you all a fun, shimmering, serene day, even in the midst of the most tumultuous firey tempest,

in the Light, lord flea

no time no time, well…let’s make some anyway

hi friend,

why does it seems like there’s never enough time to do the things we want?  instead, there are so many things we have to do that just fill up the hours of each day.  i’m starting a new club:

make time for the things we need to do,

find time for the things we want to do!

wanna join?  just follow the spirals, and come on in!

fly with me from here ...

fly with me from here ...

to here …

earth energy with you-and-you-and all of we too R 1

earth energy with you-and-you-and all of we too R 1

how? you ask.

breathe.  deep and long in, long and slow out.  breathe from the belly.  learn to be a buddha belly, breathing from the belly (belly pushes out gently when you take air in, and as you breathe out the belly contracts and tightens, going flat).

have fun, make time for you!

in the Light, much love, lordflea

sacrifice…the true happiness

hi friend,

i’ve been told by my teachers, and now have found it to be true–the only true happiness in life is when you serve others.  i’ve found this by…you got it!…being in a position to serve, or else!

lord flea serving the garden

lord flea serving the garden

my mom, who just turned 90 and for whom we just threw a grand, well-attended (over 70 people from all walks of life, all ages) surprise party, has been found to have a “leaky valve” in her ticker. 

mom at her party with her mike, her dentist and gloria, her fishing pal

mom at her party with mike, her dentist and gloria, her fishing pal

i’ve been lord flea’s jitney for her, going back and forth for the last 3 days to mayo clinic, an hour’s drive one way. many tests.  moniters. consultations, all a result of the very first sign of some physical challenge, new to eve, who’s always been healthy, always enjoying a med-free life for her 90 years.  up to now. 

serving mom as jitney, as companion, as selfless daughter and yes, friend, too, is indeed my pleasure, my honor, my delight.

it hasn’t always been like that though. 

our relationship has not been what i’d call a happy or very fulfilling one for either of us–until very recently.  not through any fault of hers.  i take total responsibility for our relationship having been so strained since i left home and became the adventuring gypsy i chose to be.  the onus of a good mother-daughter rapport has been totally mine.  truth is, i couldn’t be with her without crumpling in a heap of self-pity, anger, and horrible, crippling unresolved angst.  through working on myself, i got over this hurtful stage of “blame and shame.” 

first i had to get over my addictions, then i began to forgive mySelf, then finally i ended up doing “rapid eye movement therapy,” quite the buster of the deeply rooted neurotic triggers i had going with my mom all my adult life.

for years i had to stay away from all my family.  i simply was too angry to be any good to anyone, including mySelf.  when i was with her, we fought. i couldn’t get beyond the bad feelings that overwhelmed me by her habitual criticisms.  her well-intentioned comments triggered a certain madness within me, and i’d go berserk with anger, or insecurity–or both.  for literally decades i had bad times with her, or none at all. 

why?  i simply wasn’t ready, in those days, to let go of my resentments over the stupid silly childhood issues of mine, that I hadn’t yet figured how to resolve.  yipes!  how long do we have to work before we let go of things that hold us back?  for me it seemed ages before i stopped being pissed off!

the angelic Self within us all

always looking UP to getting beyond any drawbacks: the angelic Self within us all

but finally the day came when i said “i’m ready!  i surrender.” 

what did i surrender to?  i’m so glad you asked.  first i had to surrender to the addiction of putting mySelf down.  i had to learn to Love mySelf.  because LOVE is the only thing worth surrendering to.  Self love first, and then, afterwards, love for all others.  “see God in each other,” that’s my motto.  and now i know, by experiencing it, by continually practicing it (through positive thought, meditation, chanting, and other yogic practices) that by surrendering, i am truly victorious over any obstruction in my path, that i too, am perfectly worthy of experiencing happiness. 

now i’m no longer a slave to my anger, resentment–or (hardly) any of my old negative addictions, chemical or emotional.  i am glad to report that i am freed of the stupid silly, crippling feeling of separation, of being different that Love itSelf.  now, finally, my heart has melted entirely: i have learned to forgive mySelf for my shortcomings, and I have learned (and worked hard at) to forgive my mother for her shortcomings, too.

she only did what she knew best…and who am i to fault anyone, especially my own family, for not having done what i, little me, perceive to be best for me, for anyone?

maybe what was best for me, in the long run, was to have all the hardships, the alcoholic father, the trying-to-survive-alcoholism, critical mother; all the confusion, judgement, the crushing feelings of not being supported or acknowledged for who i felt i was–because what has resulted in this life of mine, from having experienced all these challenges (common to many), was to push myself to become the very best, the most true, most loving spiritual warrior that i can possibly become.

thus, i am yours truly, lord flea, writing this to you.  in hopes that it will touch you, and help you.

and for this, i am smiling-heart, soulfully grateful to my mother, and my departed dear father, but especially my sweet, sincere, and now scared of not being as healthy as she’d like to be, and used-to-be, ever-strong, ever-robust mother, eve.

in sacrificing my time, my energy, and my strength to uphold my mother during her personal crisis now, during this challenging time of hers, i add so much to my own emotional and spiritual stature.  i feel myself grow from giving.  i can feel the goodness of sacrificing my wishes, for hers, flow into my veins like an invigorating transfusion of oxygen into stale blood.

it’s one thing to say “i love you” to someone–to a mom, to a lover, to a friend.  but it’s entirely another thing, a more real, more magnificently human thing to actually “act out” the love by sacrificing, by sublimating our wishes to fulfill someone else’s needs. to make I Love You an active state of Being, a gesture of sacrifice, instead of merely a cliche, a trite, overused statement.

to give of our time, our funds, our life’s strength–for and to our love.

ahhhhh, it makes us so much more whole to give to others.  we become so much more human.  in doing so we also become so much more attuned to our highest potential.  truly, this is what all great scriptures from time immemorial, talk about when they mention how the state of “being human” is the closest to touching, to “being” and “actualizing” the state of the Divine. 

God dwells within all of us.  We are One.  we are all tiny cells within God’s universal body.

we are all cellular units within God's body...the Universe

we are all cellular units within God's body, the Universe

with great love, great respect, and great sacrifice–for each and every one of you, (my sharing is my sacrifice, in case you’re wondering what could she mean…sacrifice…what??? for me??)

your pal, lord flea

ps. next post i’ll talk about my time in savannah at the jazz festival, which i attended last weekend.  since then–i’ve been helping dear mom.