Hybrid Vigor — an Amazed and Astounded Me

October 22, 2018Leave a comment

In the eighties I took all my earlier, darker attempts of visually documenting my life-discoveries to the dump, where I watched the scavengers come and take my “old” works. These people, poor and without any outside semblance of artistic taste, looked like pack rats scurrying off with leftover crumbs. The crumbs that were paintings made by my own blood, sweat, and tears.

That day at the dump in East Hampton, New York, symbolized the day I was ready to say “No” to the old, useless, no-longer needed part of me, and to say hello and “Yes” to the new, improved, better version of myself.

When I committed to living a sober life I wanted to start all over. A fresh start. It took awhile, but finally I was ready to do it. I loaded my car with all my pre-sober art — feeble attempts (some of them astounding really, and because I’ve always kept photographic records of my art work, none are forever lost) — to the public dump in the fancy East Hampton where I was living at the time. I hid behind some big bulging objects and watched as the gray-faced human scavengers came, and grabbed my brightly colored, weirdly surreal depictions of … dare I say … fear trying to beat up trust. What an exciting subject, eh? Not! If I had to describe what the theme of my “old, pre-sober” work was, it depicted the inner battle between me and my demons. For a subject. boring; but art work astounds without having to benefit the viewer. Nonetheless, I never regretted throwing the crap away, not for a minute.

That day, a new “me” was born: that part of myself I like to call my own Hybrid Vigor. Back when I was a botanical illustrator and assisting with Phd studies, my friend Tim Plowman — then the world’s most renowned authority on coca, the plant from which cocaine was made and the subject of the US Federa; study Harvard was involved in at the time — taught me what a hybrid vigor is, in biological terms.

“If you take two plants of a species which exhibit far superior qualities than any others, and breed them — their offspring is a new, better, vastly improved version of what their parents were. This new plant, a unique sub-species, is a hybrid vigor.”

That day at the dump — getting rid of what didn’t work for me any more, things I didn’t need — I felt reborn. My commitment to living according to a higher code of ethics became my reality. No longer would I abuse myself, nor would I allow anyone else to. I sealed that new reality by sending all my “babies,” my old art, representing years of hard work, learning, experimenting, yet unfortunately also delving in the dimensions of fear and despair, but beautifully, I’d like to think — sent it all far far away from me. By “dumping” these old works I let myself be free, be reborn. Ironically, East Hampton’s dump happens to be in one of the most affluent and fashionable towns in America, so you might be seeing some of these early works on mine as an anonymous collector’s “find” one day.

By ridding myself of what I didn’t need (about my own work, part of my own being) I willed myself to become a hybrid version of myself. I did this without having to physically die and be reborn, to my great good fortune!

I know, I know, this all sounds very fantastical, but this is the way I prefer to see life, as magical, and ever-changing. All things possible, and all that. Technicalities aside, I did become a better, improved version of myself that day.

And so I put to each and every person I can communicate with: you too can become a hybrid vigor version of your old former, no longer needed self, and give birth to your new Self, just by wanting to

When the day arrived, in 1984, when I was ready to get real, get honest, and put down the two decades of trying to self-annihilate the innate sense of connectedness I’d had since childhood (and which I’m sure all children are born with, before losing it due to life’s outside circumstances) — the time had arrived, two years before the dump episode, when I finally decided to get sober. It took that long for me to get clear enough, in my mind, that letting go of old stuff was what I needed to do. Finally, when I took my old “babies” to the dump and gave them to perfect strangers, that’s when I really started living for my true life’s purpose. This what I mean by the “hybrid vigor” version of myself. Not the old, blaming, shamed, victim-one I’d been for thirty-six years previously.

Something similar as what happened to me goes on all the time with the rest of the world. Demons abound. In people and in governments, but like my own former demons (the subjects of my old work), they’re all illusions.

When stress or crisis strikes, we humans have to let our fears out. We have to watch ourselves scream, demand change, prepare to battle the demons, and make known to everyone that evil does not deserve to reside on earth without a damn good fight. We who have conquered our own demons must help others to not hide theirs within their hearts. Or blame others for what every person alive has the power to change within themselves.

My hybrid vigor self says this: Express the fear, speak about it, share with others. And in that the Light of consciousness will dissipate whatever demon you have, whatever mask fear wears, simply by no longer allowing it to be hidden within your stony, hopeless heart.

Do not pretend fear doesn’t exist. Let our society, our trusted leaders and elected officials know that each and every one of us is responsible for the state our social climate has sunk to. If we see, hear, or feel someone to be mentally in a fragile, dangerous state of murderous rage, it’s our responsibility to get involved. To ask that person who’s in distress if they want help, then go for help. Hybrid vigors speak our fears aloud, because then, because they are not real, the ugly demons inside us run and hide and disappear from the Light of awareness being pointed at them by our own inner Light.

Our job as human beans is not to be paranoid, or worse, pretend fear doesn’t happen. Our job as hybrid vigors is to celebrate great and glorious things, yes! but also to face the evil shadow that lurks beneath the fabric of everyday life and call it what it is — demonic. And then prepare to do battle to slay the demons, one by one, until they are all gone.

I sometimes like to think of we awakened hybrid vigors as “the Army of Love” and I’m one of its active lieutenants. This images makes me smile. So I’ll keep working with that idea.

When more of us (the Army of Love increasing every day with the awakening of humankind happening in vast numbers) can all admit that yes, there is a shadow of hatred in some hearts, we can lovingly help each other heal from this breach, this tear in the fabric of our toxic, fear-filled world. With each unfortunate, next violent senseless action, another rip happens in the fabric of our human civilization, as if our Oneness is a gigantic weaving of humanity. We are all One. We can help each other heal, re-build trust, mend our brokenness, but only when we’re able to admit that fear must be spoken about, in order to eradicate it. Only then we’ll come to trust that love is much much stronger than hate.

Fear remains in our hearts when we haven’t owned how we are all responsible for helping each other to climb higher, let go of mistrust and embrace a higher way of living. Hybrid vigors helping others to peel off their lesser shells, and step out into the Light of their new, better, higher Selves.

Together, we will get over our individual and collective fears. As hybrid vigors we will all thrive on the same level of awareness — of openness to our highest potential. We must trust that Universal Love, also called Compassion, and Oneness. Love in its most expansive, inclusive form is bringing us together for a reason.

We must never pretend that all is well when it’s so obvious that our society is sick. Every bit of energy we spend to help heal our human condition is worth the endeavor.

First, we must firmly believe our world, its environment, humankind’s fear-based structures, are completely heal-able. This fact of our toxicity is proven each times a person, or a leader, goes off, gets unkind, does scarry and unreasonable things with others’ trust. When life’s evil and darkness is revealed, like it is during a mass shooting, or a bizarre politic event as have occurred in recent time, we must trust that the worst, most depraved individual can be mended. And if one person can change themself into a hybrid vigor, so can all of us.

Every person who has ever put down a negative, addictive way of thinking, for instance, is proof of that.

When the world comes together by means of our combined, positively-focused minds, focused on fostering healing energies instead of endless manifestations of fear — our world will take the giant leap to our next step in spiritual evolution.

Send healing wherever it’s needed. Even to the most deranged, hopeless individual. Even to a scary leader whose volatile nature nobody trusts.

The group is much greater than any individual. We are all connected.

We can heal anything. We can spread the balm of love as surely as some try to deny its existence.

How can I say these things?

Because it is my reality. It is how I have chosen to see life. After experiencing the other side, I have the authority to speak like this. I no longer care what others think of me. Fear leads nowhere but to self-destruction and I no longer choose that. People kill other people because they want the ultimate control over whether they live or die. Control and and Kindness are antithetical. If a controller can’t control others by simpler means, they sometimes do simply because they don’t have the courage to end their own lives, the ultimate control one has over themselves: taking themselves out. Suicide.

We can heal any darkness by focusing on the Light. Speak uplifting, kind words to one another. Spread joy and hope; say no to fear, blame, and anger. It takes practice, but changing fear into trust is the way I have sworn to live. There is no other choice for me. And I’m willing to take whatever consequences may arise, as a result of my being so sure that allowing ourselves to become a hybrid vigor, right in this lifetime, is the saving grace, the future of humankind’s survival.

Call me crazy, but I’d rather be crazy within infinitely expanding love than frozen with constricting fear. That former life of mine sucked.

The Mystery of Life: the Self unveiled

November 13, 2011November 13, 2011Leave a comment

Hi friends,

I’m thinking about why I write/illustrate/maintain Lordflea. This is what’s on my mind today and want to share with you some thoughts.

from my Heart to yours

A lot of blogs are where people talk about what’s happening in their lives. A modern gal raising her family while living on a cattle ranch in Oklahoma (pioneer woman); one offers everything there is to know about a certain subject, from soup to nuts (my fav: yoga dork); another, an often not-so-quiet inside view of a person’s daily routine (iambossy.com). For whatever merits the above blogs have, none of these subjects is quite what i’ve been sharing about here on Lord Flea Sings.

You see, the only thing that matters to me is to document with either art or writing — and also how i focus my everyday actions — depictions of how I “think” the life we all know as “normal” is just the tip of the proverbial reality iceberg. “Things are not what they appear to be” could be a good subtitle of what the blog Lord Flea attempts to do, by sharing events, experiences, insights and proof of how very little we really know about what this life is all about.

Does it matter? To speculate of things others often don’t give a damn about?

Well yes, it does. Everyone has the right to be heard. And just because my opinion may not be the one most popularly held by the masses, for me it is true: We are spiritual beings having a human experience. And guess what? More and more people are waking up to this Fact! This is the true significance of the auspicious date of 2012, by the way, when enough of us seekers (awakened Sun Dancers in Native American terminology) are present here on Earth, creating a “tipping point” scenario when, due to our numbers at the year 2012, ALL of humanity will be influenced by our perceptions, due to the “dominoes theory” (when an action starts, in this case the spiritualization of humankind, all the “dominoes” in close range will be affected because the number of awakened individuals has now reached the level of saturation needed to cause a chain reaction….and the entire world will be transformed!).

the awakening of Gaia

How do i know this is true?

Not because anyone tells me, that’s for certain! So please, don’t believe me just because I say it … that your life is more than what it appears. When you start having experiences, that’s when a person knows what Truth really is. For me, I’ve always wanted to know the “secret” behind what life really is. Just Living has never been enough to satisfy my curiosity. I’ve searched far and wide and — wow! i’ve been given, over and over, experiences that prove beyond a shadow of doubt that “Life” is truly what the Native Americans call “The Mystery.”

We are all interconnected, this much I know. Whether by electromagnetic forces, DNA, or some other form of yet-undetected energy. This Oneness stuff is a reality I’ve felt since childhood. Only, we tend to forget how we felt as children, don’t we? As adults, some of us are interested in re-claiming the pure, simple, undiluted psychic connections that come more easily to less-intellectually and emotionally encumbered beings, the kids.

So, getting to my topic of today’s post, “explaining the Self” … in ancient texts, some of the most revered and oldest on our planet, the way the sages described the “object of life” was to describe the Self, called the Atman in Sanskrit, the language of the Upanishads. The Self is how Atman is translated into English, and no doubt it’s a lousy substitute, but language is a tricky thing for describing things that are, well, indescribable. So we just try our best, don’t we? Especially writers, artists, dancers, musicians who attempt to encapsulate the bliss, transport, and transcendence of humanity.

The Self can be thought of like the common denominator found in all creation. It is pure energy, pure consciousness, but it is not conscious of itself. It is form without form and of all form. It is, in one word, pure Spirit. I guess some can call it “God” but eghads i think that word is too politically/culturally/religiously charged these days to depict anything other than a humanoid-type that tells others how to live. And that ain’t what the Self is.

Sometimes to comprehend a new idea it’s useful to explore its opposite. Think of the Self’s opposite, which is the “small” self, the idea of “me” “I” “personality” “attributes”….and perhaps that helps to describe that the “Big” Self is none of these. The Big Self is a thing’s essence. For humans it’d be what you were before you were born; what you will continue to be once you have left your earthly body. What you are in-between those two other stages of being-ness as well.

Hmmmmm, interesting, eh? Once again, I want to remind you that I’m not a dreamer. This is stuff I’ve experienced. Yup!

Yes, the Self is that part of yourself that you’ve always sensed, and can cultivate as much as you wish, when you shut off your thinking mind, the analytical part of your makeup. Getting to the purity of the Self requires patience, and a willingness to strip yourself naked of all preconceptions. How can you experience the Self? The best, most practical, and always reliable method is by developing a meditation practice. You can learn to meditate by many means, it doesn’t matter which type of meditation you choose. Just do it! The more a person can spend time in the pure consciousness that underlies all thought, the more a person will understand the true secrets of this earthly life. And …. the rewards of pure bliss, understanding, and peace await anyone willing to try meditation. Other methods of tapping the source of being-ness (ritualistically imbibing psychotropic drugs, for instance; or undergoing re-birthing and other forms of metaphysical healing) are not reliable and their effects totally depend on outside variables, so therefore, i do NOT advocate using them. Meditation is the only reliable method of connecting with the Inner Self.

And once you connect, there i no limit to the exploration of the Self.

So, my dear friends, you can see the subjects I discuss here are not what most bloggers elaborate on. Being popular, in synch with world trends, on top of the news, all these things don’t mean much to me. What does matter is to spread the Truth that life here on Earth is a gift. We who are alive at this present time are indeed lucky, because in being alive we can bring into the material plane that which is present throughout all the Universe … pure energy, unlimited possibilities. We humans are much more than what most of us think we are.

We are beings of light being given the opportunity to spread the word, share the energy, dive into the bliss of our spiritual nature.

The sooner one realizes this as fact, the more a person can enjoy the life they are leading, no matter what the circumstances are. Rich or poor, educated or not, living in freedom or incarcerated in tyranny — outer circumstances of our lives come and go, and yes, must be dealt with, and always worked on to make the experience as true, as clear, as unobstructed as possible. But even if a person were to never know what the modern world has to offer, or they never get to leave their little village in the Third World, and must struggle for something to eat, if a person has learned to tap into the unlimited power of their inner Self, that true part of their humanness, they are living the life we all aspire to!

A successful human existence is when a person embraces their unlimited Inner Self as the true “I am.”

in the Light, your pal Lordflea

ps. i’m just learning my new macBookPro and have not mastered how to upload my images, so please excuse my lousy attempt today! Ommmmm

You’re told you have a brain tumor: How Does Life Change Then?

May 27, 2011May 27, 2011Leave a comment

A dear friend of mine called the other morning to tell me, in tears, that she just was told she has a brain tumor and that they’re operating tomorrow! Today is the day after, and the news is good: the doctors removed the tumor, but I haven’t found out yet if it’s benign or not. These last few days I’ve been putting myself in the shoes of Monica, my friend. How would I feel, if given that same news? What would I do?Besides getting my ass to the BEST doctors I could find, how would I act? All of a sudden life seems so fragile with news like this. In an instant life changes from same-old/same-old to WOW! It might end soon! Everything takes on a new light, a shinier patina, a specialness that wasn’t so obvious before.

My spiritual teacher often reminds us that the reason we meditate is so we can “Prepare for our physical death by having mini-deaths all the time … in meditation.”

This is a curious idea, isn’t it? When you think about it, though, it makes sense. In meditation, the object is to turn-off the thinking process. This is usually done by focusing on something else besides thoughts. The breathe. A mantra. An image. A sensation. So the effect on our lives is a slowing-down, a centering, a stilling-of-ALL, until we finally get to the essence of what we are. And what is that? For me, when I get quiet in meditation and go deep within myself what I discover is that I am connected to ALL. Nothing is different than consciousness. We are pure consciousness, in our deepest parts of being-ness. Our physical selves, our human-ness, is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, of what we really are.

My friend Monica doesn’t feel as comfortable in these deep-within realms that I speak of here, in Lordflea Sings. She is a very out-there kind of gal. An exercise freak, an uber-modern artist committed to intellectual-social pursuits, a worldly person. But she called me … her one and only spiritual friend … for comfort, when she knew the proverbial shit had hit the fan. She knew I would send her the Light of our shared energies. She knew she needed it, and she knew where to go to ask.

Share your Light today with as many as you can, but especially with yourSelf!

love from Lordflea

Heal Me Mandala

Life— and Death — what never changes

November 21, 2009November 21, 20092 Comments

so here i am still discussing “change.” Besides what I’ve said previously about the constancy of change being the only thing one can rely on in our lives, and the reliance upon a Higher Power, for those of us lucky enough to hold this comforting Truth of the sanctity of life close to our hearts and minds—the other thing about change that never sways is the inevitability of Life one day ending in Death.

the three aspects of mySelf

This is a painting i did to portray what i’m talking about here. It’s a self-portrait, done on my 32nd birthday (not too long ago). The three different representations of my own Self are simply this, as lordflea sees IT:

the blue face, somewhat hidden, is how i perceive myself from an everyday, living-the-life-i-have point of view; how i can “see” the ever-beckoning choices before me and how I have the Inner Power to choose how my life decisions go: what i make of my life’s potential, what i came into life with, how i use my gifts, and how i see mySelf contributing to the uplifting evolution of humankind (instead of the opposite, contributing to our downfall).

the green side of my Being-ness: this is my ancestral Self: what i’ve inherited from the DNA within my body, the temple of my soul; what i’ve learned from the culture i was born into, and the many generations of cultural imprint upon my soul—even before i arrived in this life i have here and now, today.

the “flesh colored” figure: ahhhh, here is the REAL me. The naked Truth. This is my spiritual body, my glistening aura, my True Self. It is always within me, as all three aspects of mySelf are as well. But this part of mySelf is the most important to me. That’s why it is the most predominant, and fully formed.

By the way—when i painted this painting i hadn’t had ANY of this figured out. I just painted. It’s only in hindsight, after many journeys, many lessons, many teachers, that I’ve been able to decipher the totally WEIRD art that i create.

So why am I talking about this particular topic, life and death, and who we REALLY are, today? Well, a good friend of mine, Isabel, lost her mother yesterday. Isabel Senior died at home. A few of us gathered with our friend and sat with Isabel and her ritualistically cleansed, annoited, and nicely dressed and laid out dead mother’s body, and …. no, it wasn’t morbid! … it was quite beautiful. After the initial hotness of tears (because this lady who passed over into the Light, who would have been 90 on Sunday, was a dear heart i had known for years, and I was feeling a wave of sadness only because i couldn’t visit her anymore, even though we were all glad she’d finally been released from her too-long later-life journey of a major stroke, almost total immobility, and loss of so much of life’s great gifts)—it was a joy to celebrate Isabel Sr’s life, which had been lived well.

Unlike the contrasting and senseless loss of my friend, Michelle, three weeks ago. She was only 44 and died as a result of her own actions: drinking and drugging herself to death.

Choices. We can choose to live well, take good care of our temples and enjoy the benefits of health—even though we’ll always have SOME challenge to figure out (toe fungus? bad back? overweight? tennis elbow? diabetes?). Our bodies–our temples—are the greatest gift we’re given in this life, but it is not WHO or WHAT we actually are. People too often forget this. And for this reason, I am a yogi because in the scriptures of yoga that is clearly taught: we are the eternal Self…all of us, a part of the ONE.

Oooooooommmmmmm

Life and Death. What else is there worth living for? It’s pretty intense stuff, when you’re right next to it. Either the birth of a gorgeous new soul entering our world, or the leaving of one after a life lived—-well, according to whatever choices were made.

Isabel Senior was a grand lady. Filled with love for her family and others. And in turn, she was always surrounded by adoring people. She was kind, open-hearted, yet sophisticated, stylish, and interested in all of life’s many offerings. If Isabel Sr. had demons she dealt with them quietly, and got on with her life at hand. On the other side of the coin Michelle struggled very loudly, very ego-centrically with her demons. And even though she too was blessed with intelligence, beauty, and a loving family—she made the bad choice of indulging in self pity, over and over. She never let go of the demons. That was her choice. And now she is dead, waaaaay too prematurely. Isabel Sr. is dead too, but everyone is celebrating her life, and her release from her old age harassment. Because her passing-over seems like a reward—whereas Michelle’s death is a horribly tragic end to a life filled with endlessly bad choices. Michelle’s little four-year-old Nicole, left behind in stunned confusion, will have to bear the stigma of what her mother’s choices meant to her life. Michelle’s other daughter, Carri, aged 24, is shocked into a stunned spiral of what can only be life-defining understanding—or not. Carri is the one who found her mother, dead from an overdose. What can one think of life, when faced with such trauma?

take time and breathe .... look within your own Self

our choices direct our life’s experiences.

We can make our lives a prayer. This is why I do mantra repetition. CONSTANTLY. Om Namah Shivaya (I honor my Inner Self) is ONE with my breath, my mind, my life.

We can experience heaven on earth, right here, right now—even in the midst of life’s tragedies, violence of war and oppression, and personal adversity, if we choose to see life as an experience our spiritual Self is having—and realize this “life” we have is only a temporary stop on our REAL journey. To where? I know not. But I do know there is much more than meets the eye, in this existence called Life.

Or—the other choice—we can make our lives sheer hell, if our viewpoint is that of wanting to control everything about life, know every little thing about it. Some things are just plain un-knowable. Life is a mystery.

The choice is ours.