Hello Dear One,
For several weeks now I’ve been clearing my life, my desk, my mind of leftover stuff. Mostly the remnants from my last book project. In the ‘I’: Easing Through Life-Storms is a great success (rave reviews!) — and now I’m beginning my next book.
When I began my indie-publishing endeavor I knew I’d publish three books in quick succession because I like trilogies. Things in life often come in groups. Five ocean waves always seem to travel in a group. Twelve months and astrological signs, apostles, a dozen eggs and recovery Steps. Three is, of course, a holy grouping found in the Trinity. Before Christianity’s there was the triumvirate divinity, a combined ONE 3-headed “godhead” of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva in ancient India’s mystical search for meaning. Ancient Egypt also had a triangle of supernatural power: Isis, Osiris and Horus. In today’s world we have threesomes everywhere we look. Here’s three random examples from the real world:
- high, low, and average in sports, language skills, culinary arts, etc.
- democrats, republicans, and independents in USA politics
- male, female, and in-betweeners in gender identity
After I finished the first book, a nonfiction narrative, of my planned trilogy, I assumed I would quickly publish the second, also a nonfiction that I’d nearly sold through a literary agent the year before. But then something happened that showed me this was not what life had planned for me.
How could I tell that life’s plan was different from “my own plan”? Ahhh, this is the most crucial question of all, one that I grappled with when I first set out on my spiritual quest of dedicating my life to serving the greater good. Dedicating my life to serving God’s will, not my own.
I remember when I first had to answer this question, “Is this my will or God’s will?”
This inevitable showdown that anyone on the spiritual path experiences, occurred for me when I first put down getting intoxicated. Suddenly I was faced with the very serious dilemma of deciding “What do I do with my life?”
I was given advice, thankfully. “Check out how you feel about everything before you do it.” But this is only possible after … our feelings have become our trusty companions.
Seems awfully simple, doesn’t it. But … here’s the trick. Before putting down booze and getting high, whose jobs are to numb, anesthetize, and drown out feelings — I never knew how I really felt about anything. Because that’s why addicts/alcoholics drink and drug — to get away from our uncomfortable feelings!
So the more I ventured into the new realm of Planet Sober, as I called being “natural” and drug-free, the more I got in touch with my feelings. Some of which were pretty painful. Left-over stuff from bad experiences, maybe even previous lifetimes, who knows where they came from? Things I hadn’t processed, let go of, forgiven, or … figured out. Or realized they couldn’t be and I just had to accept them as … part of my psychic makeup. This is how I came to embrace the fact that yes, I am slightly nuts. But what artist of any worth isn’t? Really? Glad you agree. Ahem.
The process of getting in touch with my feelings was thankfully swift and, as I said, guided by seasoned mentors. I spent a lot of time asking questions. I sought advice from those I admired. I listened to advice. I applied suggestions to my life. Assiduously. I meditated a lot, chanted names of the Divine, contemplated, and journaled till my hand and behind cramped solid. In time, I got to know and trust my feelings as situations arose, one by one. I got to “test” my feelings. After much testing, I learned I could always trust that my feelings (the gut voice kind) were always the “correct” decision for me.
Until … I arrived here, at today. Today I honestly trust whatever feeling arises, because I have “done the work.”
So, getting back to my trilogy plans. I had it all figured out, right? WRONG! Life happened, not my ever-so convenient plans. Things were revealed to me through other people that the planned second book of mine was NOT the right one to do, not right now at least. At first I thought, “Oh SHIT!!” How can that be? I’ll do it anyway! My publication plans rest on quickly getting the next book together, and this one is … ready to go. With just a quick overall edit, to make sure it’s in topnotch form.”
Well, after hearing more messages from “other people” (close to me) and also listening more closely to “my gut” (the so-called “mouthpiece” of our feelings) … I decided that maybe my well made plan was not the way things, the trilogy specifically, ought to really be.
So I played around with some other ideas. I had plenty of ideas to choose from, some well formed, some in infancy. Some old, some new. I even re-read old awful and amateurish manuscripts of mine that I thought were likely candidates to take the place of my “well made plan” candidate. But … it wasn’t until today, just a few hours ago, in fact, that suddenly I had the ALL CLEAR signal from my gut that … indeed, I had alighted upon the “correct-for-NOW” decision. A choice that came completely as a surprise to me, out of the blue, but when it appeared … immediately felt “right” with my gut-detector.
What does this ALL CLEAR signal of the gut feel like?
First and fore-mostly, it’s a feeling. It’s not a thought, not a vocalization, not an intention or focus written out, like a fortune cookie’s. Yes, that feeling can eventually be reached by speaking aloud (sharing with others) or writing one’s thoughts out (blogging, storytelling, etc.) or even by participating in casual conversation. We always want to pay attention to what comes out of OUR own mouths. Because sometimes we hear things we say to others that we didn’t know we felt, not really, until our feelings get spoken-aloud-to-others, safely, without any threat of reaction.
This is the magic of the sharing process. That’s why “no cross-talk sharing” in the Twelve Step Programs works so wondrously, and are deeply healing. Because, when a person feels absolutely SAFE about what they are saying won’t be “judged” or “commented upon” (which is cross-talk) s/he get to hear how they really feel about something. I vividly recall, in my early days in the 12 Steps, hearing myself share, then being absolutely blown away by … “I didn’t know I felt like that!” … immediately afterwards! It is truly a magical process, sharing aloud. I highly recommend it for anyone who is struggling with inner conflict of any sort. But choose trusted, safe people to do it with, please!
So the trilogy is now in its second phase of operation. I won’t reveal what the second book is about (other than “the healing of our human environment”) because I feel that talking about a writing project before it’s in its final stages is … akin to letting go of the contained energy needed to produce the magic of an insipired work.
Stay tuned for how this second book’s journey goes, because I love sharing with you. Even if it’s not about what I’m working on at my desk, there are a kazillion other things to commune about, aren’t there?
Let me know how you feel. SHARE with me here, c’mon! Here’s an easy form for you to do it. What you write goes only to me, privately, and won’t be public, ever.
Sending each of you my Love, wishes of fulfillment, and shared waves of JOY
LordFlea aka teZa Lord