I’ve put down my pen (figuratively, for keyboard) and am preparing to publish, come hell or high water. The time to birth my first literary baby (with illustrations) is here!
I’ve raised my husband’s two very young children to their successful adulthood, but have never experienced what must be the ultimate, absolutely the most thrilling thing of all — to give birth.
Mind you, I’m proud of all my many accomplishments, but nothing comes close to the effort I’ve put into writing these past several years.
So I am giving birth vicariously through presenting to the world, my book.
Now that I’ve tested the waters, keeping tabs on how my heart flutters (or not!) when I mention the name aloud, just yesterday I went public with it. Several other titles have fallen by the wayside because they lacked resonance with me. Many names later … here’s the chord that strikes deepest for me:
Zen Love: a blended family’s true journey
I’ve created a special page for Zen Love on Facebook (visit and LIKE IT, thanks!) and soon I’ll also create a website for it.
Meanwhile, I follow several leads how to bring my baby to the public. A publisher is interested, but … I’ve found that until the ink is on the dotted line, there are no promises. And even then, publisher back out at the last minute. So my plan is first to explore agents and editors and indie publishers, but put a short time frame on this. But I might birthe Zen Love myself, without a midwife publisher. If you wish, you can contact me at email@example.com to find out more, and offer your suggestions, input. Many successful writers are self-publishing these days because they have more control, etc. Many perks taking that avenue.
And so there’s a birth in my up-close tight-circle … of life.
Just as there is, sadly for me, at times, the opposite of birth. I’m waiting for the exultant state to kick in, but that won’t happen until my mother decides to make her passage to pure consciousness, and leave her physical body. But she’s not there yet.
Eve Mary, my mom, has been deathly ill these past four months. It’s the main reason why you’ve not seen or heard much from Lord Flea during this time. What little time and energy I have left over, after caring to Eve’s comfort and visiting her at the convalescent home — I have completed Zen Love. Whew! Every second counts when your life is full … of nurturing others, in my case.
Not only mom’s coming end of life, but our daughter has been in crisis, too. So what else is new? This is LIiFe! You all know what I”m talking about. For some of us, peaceful times and crisis come in waves. I am definitely in the trough of serene times as I write this. But thanks to my yogic disciplines, the continual repetition of the mantra, my hatha yoga physical practice I do, no matter what — crisis or cream puffs — Life is what it is. An adventure of the most magnificent sort.
Each day has been like an entire lifetime, visiting mom. For months she’s been hovering in the shadow-land, between life and death. Not in her “real mind.” She’s been in extreme pain, so let me suffice saying that what we are going through as a family, my one sister and I and our spouses, has been a prolonged dance, a not-very-joyous one, with the approaching end of dear Mom’s 96-year long beautiful, full life.
When I actually look into the face of death, knowing its seriousness hovers close by my mother’s stricken body, I find myself not wasting a single breath. Every single one of my conscious moments is spent spending Love, Comfort, and Peace to aid my mother’s journey. I’m happy to report that today, just for today, she’s not in pain. That’s a big deal because I think the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life is to see my dear mother wracked by the pain she’s suffered (the details are too gruesome).
I send her my Love and Comfort by incorporating her name, “Mom” in my everyday mantra repetition, my japa practice. Silently, except for when I’m asleep or thinking (like now) I’ve trained my mind to repeat the specially poignant Sanskrit mantra given to me by my meditation teacher, and loosely translated, means “I honor God, as consciousness, within myself.” You can use it, too.
Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya …
Since mom has been stricken, and from a healthy, fish-wrangling gardener, overnight became a bedridden invalid, now my mantra is …
Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om …
Try japa repetition when you’re stressed, going through tough times, or want to feel connected to the Source of All … the Great Aummmm …. Ommmmmmm. You will feel connected to just how special even death is … when we accept it is just part of life.
Wishing my mother a pleasant journey as she travels to her next great act … her leaving us …
I send you all many Ommmmms, Aummmmms, and lots of OmLove!
Lordflea aka teZa Lord