Birth and … That Other Thing

Dear Friends,

thoughts on new life

thoughts on new life

I’ve put down my pen (figuratively, for keyboard) and am preparing to publish, come hell or high water. The time to birth my first literary baby (with illustrations) is here!

I’ve raised my husband’s two very young children to their successful adulthood, but have never experienced what must be the ultimate, absolutely the most thrilling thing of all — to give birth.

Mind you, I’m proud of all my many accomplishments, but nothing comes close to the effort I’ve put into writing these past several years.

So I am giving birth vicariously through presenting to the world, my book.

Now that I’ve tested the waters, keeping tabs on how my heart flutters (or not!) when I mention the name aloud, just yesterday I went public with it. Several other titles have fallen by the wayside because they lacked resonance with me. Many names later … here’s the chord that strikes deepest for me:

Zen Love: a blended family’s true journey

I’ve created a special page for Zen Love on Facebook (visit and LIKE IT, thanks!) and soon I’ll also create a website for it.

Meanwhile, I follow several leads how to bring my baby to the public. A publisher is interested, but … I’ve found that until the ink is on the dotted line, there are no promises. And even then, publisher back out at the last minute. So my plan is first to explore agents and editors and indie publishers, but put a short time frame on this. But I might birthe Zen Love myself, without a midwife publisher. If you wish, you can contact me at to find out more, and offer your suggestions, input. Many successful writers are self-publishing these days because they have more control, etc. Many perks taking that avenue.

And so there’s a birth in my up-close tight-circle … of life.

Just as there is, sadly for me, at times, the opposite of birth. I’m waiting for the exultant state to kick in, but that won’t happen until my mother decides to make her passage to pure consciousness, and leave her physical body. But she’s not there yet.

Eve Mary, my mom, has been deathly ill these past four months. It’s the main reason why you’ve not seen or heard much from Lord Flea during this time. What little time and energy I have left over, after caring to Eve’s comfort and visiting her at the convalescent home — I have completed Zen Love. Whew! Every second counts when your life is full … of nurturing others, in my case.

Not only mom’s coming end of life, but our daughter has been in crisis, too. So what else is new? This is LIiFe! You all know what I”m talking about. For some of us, peaceful times and crisis come in waves. I am definitely in the trough of serene times as I write this. But thanks to my yogic disciplines, the continual repetition of the mantra, my hatha yoga physical practice I do, no matter what — crisis or cream puffs — Life is what it is. An adventure of the most magnificent sort.

Life is what iIT IS

Life is what IT IS

Each day has been like an entire lifetime, visiting mom. For months she’s been hovering in the shadow-land, between life and death. Not in her “real mind.” She’s been in extreme pain, so let me suffice saying that what we are going through as a family, my one sister and I and our spouses, has been a prolonged dance, a not-very-joyous one, with the approaching end of dear Mom’s 96-year long beautiful, full life.

When I actually look into the face of death, knowing its seriousness hovers close by my mother’s stricken body, I find myself not wasting a single breath. Every single one of my conscious moments is spent spending Love, Comfort, and Peace to aid my mother’s journey. I’m happy to report that today, just for today, she’s not in pain. That’s a big deal because I think the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life is to see my dear mother wracked by the pain she’s suffered (the details are too gruesome).

I send her my Love and Comfort by incorporating her name, “Mom” in my everyday mantra repetition, my japa practice. Silently, except for when I’m asleep or thinking (like now) I’ve trained my mind to repeat the specially poignant Sanskrit mantra given to me by my meditation teacher, and loosely translated, means “I honor God, as consciousness, within myself.” You can use it, too.

Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya …

Since mom has been stricken, and from a healthy, fish-wrangling gardener, overnight became a bedridden invalid, now my mantra is …

Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om Namah Shivaya Mom, Om …

Try japa repetition when you’re stressed, going through tough times, or want to feel connected to the Source of All … the Great Aummmm …. Ommmmmmm. You will feel connected to just how special even death is … when we accept it is just part of life.

Wishing my mother a pleasant journey as she travels to her next great act … her leaving us …

I send you all many Ommmmms, Aummmmms, and lots of OmLove!

Your pal,

Lordflea aka teZa Lord

the sound of Aum: Ohhhhhmmmmmmmm

the sound of Aum: Ohhhhhmmmmmmmm

The personal touch

back at my desk after two weeks in costa rica, and days of catching up and dealing with… life!

where it all began ...

where it all began ...

i first went to costa rica four years ago, and took with me my first digital camera and the above notebook. Once there, I decided to do what I’d been told to do in a dream years before—to draw very small. In fact, my dream had shown me to make “stamp-size” paintings…but i decided that would be too difficult. And hence began my journey into miniature black and whites, which i’ve been sharing on lordflea sings for the last year and a half.

giant horsetail

my eyes became a microscope. i drew up closely to look more preciously, at every aspect of nature, of my companions, of the world around me. AND … this is what I usually saw:

the wonder within

i spoke to a woman, a stranger to me, yesterday and she visited my blog. she thinks i shouldn’t be anonymous. she thinks my readers need to know who i am, in order to relate to me as a person….not just the ideas and the art that i set forth in lordflea sings. i thought i’d put it out to you, who visit here, about this.

Question: do you think lordflea needs to be a “real” person, with a “photo” and an “identity” other than what I’ve been putting out to you? Also, she think I write too much. I agree. I’m going to make my posts shorter from now on. I promise. But i have so much to share with you!!! oh well, i’ll just have to blog more often. please leave a comment and tell me if you want me to “come out.” If i hear enough “yes” replies….I’ll seriously consider it.

in the Light, lordflea

divertido en paradaiso–having fun in paradise!

hola mis amigos,

my consort carter and i are on our way to the capitol of costa rica, to join our yoga friends for an evening of chanting and meditation, our favorite pasttime no matter where we are. whether in the city or the idyllic jungles of central america, nothing makes us happier than to chant the many names of the One, and to tune into our abundant energy cells, manifested by other people, nature, and our own attitudes.

this country of smiling hearts and sweet tropical fruits is surely a grand display of ¨pura vida¨—the pure life. Here one can still greet a stranger without feeling suspicious of their intentions. Here, a howler monkey can come right up to our rooftop and send their primitive greeting to the strange two-leggeds who have intruded into THEIR territory. Carter and I love to climb the vertical hillsides, spend time talking with the poetic souls of these gentle Tico people, share with other travelers we meet along the way, and plan our next contribution to humankind´s endless endeavors.

when i return to my desk i´ll share pictures and stories of people places and events that have happened these last few weeks while away. till then, rest in the awareness that we are One, that we share an interconnectedness that is real, and proven in so many visible, and invisible ways.

in the Light, lordflea

Life— and Death — what never changes

so here i am still discussing “change.” Besides what I’ve said previously about the constancy of change being the only thing one can rely on in our lives, and the reliance upon a Higher Power, for those of us lucky enough to hold this comforting Truth of the sanctity of life close to our hearts and minds—the other thing about change that never sways is the inevitability of Life one day ending in Death. 

the three aspects of mySelf

the three aspects of mySelf

This is a painting i did to portray what i’m talking about here. It’s a self-portrait, done on my 32nd birthday (not too long ago). The three different representations of my own Self are simply this, as lordflea sees IT:

the blue face, somewhat hidden, is how i perceive myself from an everyday, living-the-life-i-have point of view; how i can “see” the ever-beckoning choices before me and how I have the Inner Power to choose how my life decisions go: what i make of my life’s potential, what i came into life with, how i use my gifts, and how i see mySelf contributing to the uplifting evolution of humankind (instead of the opposite, contributing to our downfall).

the green side of my Being-ness: this is my ancestral Self: what i’ve inherited from the DNA within my body, the temple of my soul; what i’ve learned from the culture i was born into, and the many generations of cultural imprint upon my soul—even before i arrived in this life i have here and now, today.

the “flesh colored” figure: ahhhh, here is the REAL me. The naked Truth. This is my spiritual body, my glistening aura, my True Self. It is always within me, as all three aspects of mySelf are as well. But this part of mySelf is the most important to me. That’s why it is the most predominant, and fully formed.

By the way—when i painted this painting i hadn’t had ANY of this figured out. I just painted. It’s only in hindsight, after many journeys, many lessons, many teachers, that I’ve been able to decipher the totally WEIRD art that i create.

So why am I talking about this particular topic, life and death, and who we REALLY are, today? Well, a good friend of mine, Isabel, lost her mother yesterday. Isabel Senior died at home. A few of us gathered with our friend and sat with Isabel and her ritualistically cleansed, annoited, and nicely dressed and laid out dead mother’s body, and …. no, it wasn’t morbid! … it was quite beautiful. After the initial hotness of tears (because this lady who passed over into the Light, who would have been 90 on Sunday, was a dear heart i had known for years, and I was feeling a wave of sadness only because i couldn’t visit her anymore, even though we were all glad she’d finally been released from her too-long later-life journey of a major stroke, almost total immobility, and loss of so much of life’s great gifts)—it was a joy to celebrate Isabel Sr’s life, which had been lived well.

Unlike the contrasting and senseless loss of my friend, Michelle, three weeks ago. She was only 44 and died as a result of her own actions: drinking and drugging herself to death.

Choices. We can choose to live well, take good care of our temples and enjoy the benefits of health—even though we’ll always have SOME challenge to figure out (toe fungus? bad back? overweight? tennis elbow? diabetes?). Our bodies–our temples—are the greatest gift we’re given in this life, but it is not WHO or WHAT we actually are. People too often forget this. And for this reason, I am a yogi because in the scriptures of yoga that is clearly taught: we are the eternal Self…all of us, a part of the ONE.



Life and Death. What else is there worth living for? It’s pretty intense stuff, when you’re right next to it. Either the birth of a gorgeous new soul entering our world, or the leaving of one after a life lived—-well, according to whatever choices were made.

Isabel Senior was a grand lady. Filled with love for her family and others. And in turn, she was always surrounded by adoring people. She was kind, open-hearted, yet sophisticated, stylish, and interested in all of life’s many offerings. If Isabel Sr. had demons she dealt with them quietly, and got on with her life at hand. On the other side of the coin Michelle struggled very loudly, very ego-centrically with her demons. And even though she too was blessed with intelligence, beauty, and a loving family—she made the bad choice of indulging in self pity, over and over. She never let go of the demons. That was her choice. And now she is dead, waaaaay too prematurely. Isabel Sr. is dead too, but everyone is celebrating her life, and her release from her old age harassment. Because her passing-over seems like a reward—whereas Michelle’s death is a horribly tragic end to a life filled with endlessly bad choices. Michelle’s little four-year-old Nicole, left behind in stunned confusion, will have to bear the stigma of what her mother’s choices meant to her life. Michelle’s other daughter, Carri, aged 24, is shocked into a stunned spiral of what can only be life-defining understanding—or not. Carri is the one who found her mother, dead from an overdose. What can one think of life, when faced with such trauma?

take time and breathe....look within your own Self

take time and breathe .... look within your own Self

 our choices direct our life’s experiences.

We can make our lives a prayer. This is why I do mantra repetition. CONSTANTLY. Om Namah Shivaya (I honor my Inner Self) is ONE with my breath, my mind, my life.

We can experience heaven on earth, right here, right now—even in the midst of life’s tragedies, violence of war and oppression, and personal adversity, if we choose to see life as an experience our spiritual Self is having—and realize this “life” we have is only a temporary stop on our REAL journey. To where? I know not. But I do know there is much more than meets the eye, in this existence called Life.

Or—the other choice—we can make our lives sheer hell, if our viewpoint is that of wanting to control everything about life, know every little thing about it. Some things are just plain un-knowable. Life is a mystery.

The choice is ours.

set your sails and let your breathe lead you to the Source

set your sails and let your breathe lead you to the Source

in the Light, lordflea