Posts Tagged ‘Angel Mom’

Today I’m feeling particularly grateful to be alive.

Prepare for the Unexpected

Prepare for the Unexpected

Having come as close to dying as I can remember getting … on Monday I walked away from being blindsided T-boned with just a bump on the noggin’, when the super-tank-sized white Bookmobile (of All things!) crashed into my driver’s door after I’d not seen it, somehow … I consider myself not only fortunate to be alive, but am more than ever aware of how much more there is for me to put out there before it’s “my time” to leave this earthly realm. Just in case, I gave instructions to my consort Carter to finish my work for me. Before my time … is up.

Time is relative anyway. Sometimes it stands still. Other instances it rushes away from us like a never-ending spin on a glass-splinter-strewn highway. The road after our impact, this Monday. When that big white metal wall came crashing into me, metallic jaws wanting to eat my life, my head bouncing into and shattering side windows, Yes, I thought, This is It. I’m dead. Hit squarely on the side of my head, shoulders, hips—just as the recurring, eerie premonition of being T-boned I’d had for the past year or so.

But I didn’t die. So easily I could have. I iced the goose bump on the window-side of my head, and the next day there was hardly a trace of the bruise. Truth is: If it weren’t for the strong bent metal frame of my trusty old Chevy Tracker, I’m absolutely sure I would have sustained much more grievous injuries than being shook up, which I am.

Crappy Death Almost Got Me

Crappy Death Almost Got Me

For the past few days I’ve kept still. Lots of quiet time. Feeling my life, pleased I’m still here. Not much thinking, just feeling. What about?

chest-expanding awe at being alive!

heart-pumping gratitude to be breathing, still!

spine-tingling sensations of what I’ve been saved (entrusted, really) to do …

to share with as many as I can, about the magic of being alive.

I’ve felt it since childhood, yet that feeling keeps intensifying with each passing season, moon phase, setting sun and changing tide.

When a person has both experiences of the interior and exterior sorts, and the ability to translate it into a form where it might be meaningful to others as well (visually, musically, through art of some nature) this is my life’s purpose, for which I’ve been spared.

LordFlea, for over seven years I’ve been writing and sharing art with you, I’ve given snippets of what my work has been about. Many drawings, paintings, and sculptures (click here if you want a glimpse), a feature film with my beloved consort (click here for LithiumSprings, the movie), and a mention here and there about the book(s) I’ve created, awaiting publication.

For years I’ve been writing books. So why has it taken this long to get any of them into print? Five completed story-driven books are already done, some nonfiction narratives; somewhere in-between novels and memoir. Regulars at LordFlea have heard mention of a few and seen an excerpt or two from titles such as Angels Anonymous, Illusions of Love, Dharma Brat, Global Bliss NOW, and Heart Island, the trilogy.

the bridge tender

the bridge tender

Now the first publicly available (tree or e) full-length book will soon be ready, and not just in blog-tease form. Allow me to proudly present my soon-to-be-available illustrated book:

Zen Love: the true journey of a blended family

The very last stages–of line-editing (catching obvious flaws) and polishing, giving the story a sheen of careful presentation–is almost complete. Now I begin the stage of presentation. As soon as I finish this post I’m back to working on a chapter-summary (it’s much harder to make one after a book’s been completed, trust me) so I can submit this book to a major spiritual publishing house. I’m not going to count on the smaller, indie publisher who asked me to submit based on a much earlier version of Zen Love. I’m going to “fish” for whatever bite I can get, out there in the Ocean of Marvelous Literature

So–what’s my thought after the great crash up on our hysterically-crowded US1 South where I almost died, but didn’t?

Simply: It was not my time. This is what nearly all NDEs (Near Death Experience) I’ve ever heard of say they experienced, and then instantly their soul/spirit returns back to life from the state they call dead. I didn’t die in my crash three days ago. But a part of me is hyper-aware how very fragile my existence, all our existences, are here on earth.

"It is not your time, go back," the Voice said.

“It is not your time, go back,” the Voice said.

It’s time for me to do what I know I must, further sharing my writing and arting with as many people as I can. After all, that’s the reason I’ve been blogging and milking other forms of social media all along. For this day that has finally arrived. At last: a book.

This is why it’s so funny and ironic that I was smashed into by a flippin’ garbage-truck sized Bookmobile, on its way to some school somewhere, the front bumper and its admonition “READ” not even dented from my little vehicle’s demise.

Life! Ain’t it grand. Funnier than fiction, more intensely real than any reality show could do justice to.

I’ll keep you posted about the adventures of Zen Love‘s publication. If no bites on my hook, I’ll publish it myself, have no fear.

In the Light, shining bright and breathing appreciatively,

Lord Flea, aka teZa Lord

The Adventures of Angel Mom

The Adventures of Angel Mom

Hi friends,

I’ve been writing, editing, drawing and painting for the book I’m soon to publish, and that’s why you haven’t heard or seen much from me lately. But today I’m spending a few minutes to share with you what’s going on in the weird and wonderful world of Lord Flea Sings!

Those of you who’ve been following my blog know that I was just to bring you “my book” last fall … when … screeeech! … unbeknownst to anyone but myself I decided to put the brakes on “Global Bliss NOW” the title of the book I had worked on for the entire year of 2012. Imagine my surprise I halted that year-long project. Heavens, I had already put money down to self-publish this book, when — lo and behold! — I realized it was most definitely NOT the book I wanted to bring out to the world. I didn’t want “my baby” and my first baby at that, to be something that I couldn’t hold my head up high when sharing with others about.

I don’t know if any of you have ever gone somewhere, or taken a job, or gotten in a relationship and then — yipes! — you discover that is NOT what you thought you were really doing, and no longer wanted to do it? Well, ha! it happened to me with this book. So, after realizing my error, or more accurately, realizing I had taken the wrong bend in the road without having noticed before — I quickly shifted gears. I decided to start from scratch. Of course there were friends, and their comments, that succinctly helped me “See the Light.” Where would we be without our friends?

Wow. Starting over was a humongous decision! But I’m so glad I made it, and have not regretted it for a second. In fact, this new book I’ve been working on (yes, every tiny little word is brand new, absolutely nothing brought over from the “old” one into the New, Better, Highly Improved book) is a message to the world from the depths of my heart.

Where am I at with this new book (the title is still luminous yet vague) is smack dab in the middle of the flowing river of creativity. The first draft is complete, whew! That’s always the hardest part, in my estimation. Just getting something down on paper. From there, I can add, subtract, develop, or discard depending on how the flow of the story goes. Again, thanks to friends who help along the way: readers, editing, even a casual remark help me sharpen my focus to bring you the story of Angel Mom.

And there you have the whole point! A STORY!! The new book is “the Adventures of Angel Mom” and the old book simply didn’t turn out that way. Why? I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that question and the only reasonable answer I can come up with is that for some strange reason I wanted to share with the world how I did something, rather than just tell the funny, whacky, zany story of how it was for me. A little glitch in my personality? i don’t know. I don’t care to analyze myself too much these days, having done plenty of that for waaaay too long before. But I needed to, before. Now, I’m just happy to live a meaningful, purpose-filled, goofy, mud-splattered, one day at a time life. With loved ones, my blended family, committed to working for the greater good of humanity in any way I can (blog, book, tweets, good humor, sharing stories with the guy on the street, making great food and sharing, etc.).

So that’s the latest update from Lord Flea. I hope you’ve all had a glorious summer, and what’s left of it, get outside and hike/bike/walk/swim and enjoy this marvelous world we’re so blessed to have. Breathe in the Light, send it out to the world for those who don’t have so much, to share what you have.

Blessings from Lord Flea, aka teZa Lord

Lapis Sky, mixed media, 5'x4'

After months and months of hard, brain-wracking work I thought I was done. Yay! I shouted, bring on the bubbly! A whole year’s worth of blood-sweat and yes, a few tears, now completed. Oh how I was enjoying celebrating, doing things I’d denied myself for quite some time, all in the spirit of having done as good a job as I thought I possibly could.

Until, that is, I got another person’s perspective. Or, in this case, two, then three other persons’ worth.

What had been in my estimation a job well done, a fait accompli, turned out to be … well, a good start. Put it that way. A rough draft of a book that is lurking between the shadows of what I meant to say, and what I actually did. But a rough draft is at least something more than what I had before I’d begun. The bubblies persist, and I congratulate myself I’ve arrived this far. A lot of work, exhausting hours, many sacrifices – yet nowhere near finished, my dear. I’m talking to myself a lot these days, friends.

Of course for those of you following Lord Flea you’ll know what I’m talking about. The book I’ve been writing for the better part of this last year started off being called “Family Bliss NOW” then evolved into “Global Bliss Now” until — until the pretty recent day when I was fortunate enough to have an editor of a publishing company, a very esteemed publisher, take a look at it. I found this particular publisher by a fluke, an offhand referral by an old friend that brought us in contact because, after all, I had given up soliciting agents and publishers some years ago, having had more than my share of rejections.

“We like the premise, teZa” I was told right off. “But” (ahhh, the great but) your book needs clarification. When you get it more polished please be sure to show it to us again.”

I wasn’t so much disappointed as terrifically encouraged. Considered quite a feat it is, to have a publisher tell you they want to take a second look at a book. Usually you have only one chance. Obviously I was on to something. Trouble was, I really didn’t know how to “clarify” the writing anymore than I’d already done, having worked on it until I was quite sick of it. Sometimes a writer can only do so much before words, and ideas behind those words, start to swim in front of one’s eyes.

So I asked the publisher’s advice. “Well, now that you ask …” and he gave me very definite points that he felt needed to be attended to. Great! With this information in hand, I could take the next step. After giving myself a few days of down-in-the-dumpsville because my book had not been the great and completed masterpiece I thought it was (ahhh, the ego of the artist/writer, will we ever learn?) I now decided to … no, not set out to fix it myself. I’d already tried that. And look where I was, anyway. Being given clear instructions about what was wrong along with what I had to do next. And remember, words were swimming before mine eyes, ideas had turned to mush. I needed a break. or at least a Caribbean vaca.

“Get an editor,” the publisher kindly told me. “I’ll do my best to help you find one that will be a good match for your style and genre.”

After much soul-searching I have decided to work with what I’m calling my “book mentor” instead of calling her “my editor.” Of course she is an editor, and a damn fine one from what I researched. But more than that, this writer/editor has already given me enough inspiration to refill my sails. Her vivid insights into my project have set me back on the track of my original intention for writing this book: to share my experiences, good and bad, of raising Carter’s (my paramour’s) two kids. To show how my life expanded, and hopefully all the rest of my family’s did as well. And to perhaps help all the folks out there these days who have step-families, what are now more appropriately called blended families.

And so I am rolling up my shirtsleeves for another round of all day and many midnight-to-dawn efforts, digging back into what I thought was going to be a quickly written offering so I can get back to the three novels I’ve already written and are tucked away, incubating, anxiously awaiting mommy’s riveted attention. My attention.

For this endeavor of rewriting my book (yes, I’m completely re-writing it, as in RE-writing, not editing, my friends) I’m trying on new titles. Tell me which you like of these?

Hold That Thought: how one woman discovered her self raising others

From She Pirate to Angel Mom: transformation via my blended family

The Alchemy of Transformation: a personal journey of nurturing a blended family

Thanks for your support! I’ll keep you all posted about the developments of this daunting task, that I’m looking forward to because … I already have a First Draft! Lucky Me!

In the Light,

Your pal, Lord Flea

aka teZa Lord

be the REAL you!

be the REAL you!

Hi Friends,

You might have noticed the last two posts are different in that I’m discussing how I came to marry a man who was a “single mom” and by doing that, I chose to take on the role of “Angel Mom” to his two beautiful little kids. This choosing-to-nurture, both myself and others, will be the focus of my upcoming posts. After quickly getting out what has been on my mind for the last decade about this, I’ll then be combining all the posts, add some weird drawings of mind and make an ebook that I’ll be publishing with Amazon. Of course if any other topic crosses my mind in the process, I’ll be sharing about that. Thanks for your continued support in visiting Lord Flea where we can all Sing as One.

the Power of "I" (when properly nurtured)

the Power of "I" (when properly nurtured)

Love and Light, your pal Lordflea

Dealing with what Is

Dealing with what Is

Sometimes the Universe presents us with what we think we can’t handle but — it happens anyway.

(Note: dear Readers, I have made the switch to a Mac and am sprawled out on the learning curve. Please forgive lack of images as I haven’t figured how to do that yet. Thanks for your support, Lordflea)

This is precisely what happened when I decided to marry Carter. I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into regarding what it takes to being a good stepparent. Ahh, if only I had had this writing in my hands back then, how much easier my decision, how much clearer, brighter my picture would have been, how much more inspired I might have felt that I actually could be a good stepparent. And by “good” I do mean as best as I could be. Some people might settle for less than excellence in whatever they choose to do, but when it comes to parenting I think all of us can agree that everyone of us wants to be the best we’re capable of.

What does a “good” parent entail?

To me this is an easy question because it means trying to be the exact opposite of what my experience with my parents was like, growing up. No disrespect or harsh judgment intended to my parents, they did the best they could. Yet I would never want to raise children they way they raised my only sister and me. So perhaps a good way to define what “is” is to start by saying what it “is not.”

A good parent does not criticize, but supports and signals love in many ways, through words, glances, simple expressions sometimes. A parent wishing to be just, practical and at the same time spiritually in-tune with humankind’s true possibilities, will practice acceptance of who and what their child is . The only exception to this is the child breaks one of the ONLY 3 rules ever used in our home:

1) See God in Each Other (more about this in the next section)

2) Listen and Do (he or she must obey the parents!)

3) Hands, Feet, Words to your own Self (children can be so cruel)

Even when a child invents, discovers, or shares that which might be opposite from what a parent believes to be true, total support is called upon for spiritual parenting. Using “no” in any form, other than when the three rules above have been transgressed, is injurious to a developing soul.

A good parent, therefore, nurtures his or her child, and respects their separate needs and identity. This kind of unconditional support and love allows a child to blossom to their true nature, without any feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, or fears.

A good parent does not put their own needs above what’s best for the children’s welfare.

Thus, a good parent is often called upon to make sacrifices, in order to sustain the illusion at least — of security —which creates an atmosphere that fosters unlimited self-knowledge in a growing child’s world-view.

A good parent accepts what is, and does not try to change the way a child feels, but guides them through hard times by allowing them to express their sadness, fears, or insecurities, fortifying them, comforting them with shared experiences from their own life, yet letting go of any expectations about how the child might respond to their guidance.

In other words, a good parent, stepparent or biological, does not expect their wards to be little clones of themselves, feeling, believing, trusting to be true everything they, the parent, has. The trick about step-parenting is, for the step-mom or -dad to realize that just as their own imprint is, much of the biological parent is also instilled in the child’s psychic, social, and spiritual makeup. This fact is verified through DNA research and observed by behavioral scientists as a result of any early-child contact a step-child has with the non-present parent. Accepting this is true, and not judging or denying it, is essential for a happy, harmonious integrated family of biological and non-blood-related members.

****

Before agreeing to marry Carter, I went into my meditative mode many times, asking my inner Self if I was capable of being a “good” parent. Even though others had their doubts about my nurturing capabilities, including my own mother — Carter never did. I asked myself hard questions, such as

Am I capable of sacrificing my total freedom and lack of responsibilities, which I’d purposefully designed and managed to enjoy all of my forty-four years — to raise someone else’s kids? Someone I didn’t respect? Someone who’d already tried to hurt me with false accusations as soon as I entered her children’s lives?

Did I love this man Carter enough to take upon myself the task of loving, nurturing, guiding, providing for, cooking, cleaning, guarding, teaching, and generally role-modeling my life as an example to these two little “scared rabbits” as one person called Fonya then 5, and Cully, then 2? Was I willing to change so drastically? Move to another city even, one that was devoid of my previous level of sociable culture, spiritual fellowship, aesthetics and adventure?

Could I picture myself as Angel Mom to these two little towheads, so needy, so grievously wounded over the separation of their parents?

Could I, I wondered, be strong enough to stand impervious to the ex’s fabricated allegations, which she hurled at me various ways. Was I willing to subject my well fought-for inner peace to deal with a jealous, vengeful woman who’d sadly lost the privilege of raising her own children?

One of the most important questions for me, for any person deciding to step-parent other people’s children is: “Is my love for Carter true enough, strong enough to prove stronger than any of the feared obstacles, real or imagined, that will come trooping up over the horizon — trying to dissuade me from being Angel Mom to these two kids of his?”

All three of them needed me, needed to be healed with love. And even more honestly, I instinctively knew, I needed to love them in order to heal myself, totally, from my life scars. So the biggest question of all, the one I spent the most time on, was:

“Do I love myself enough to love three other badly damaged individuals?”

****

So yes, after a year and a half of inwardly and outwardly asking these questions, reading every book I could find about the subject, discussing the pros and cons ad infinitum with Carter, and working with professionals, a pre-marital counselor we hired for consultations and to work up a formal psychological evaluation (on Carter’s behalf), in addition to our two birth charts I ordered, compared by competent a and long-trusted astrologer (on my behalf) — I decided I could do this!

Consciously, spiritually, open- and full-heartedly, I decided I could BE Angel Mom to these two kids who so needed me. Mostly I knew this, because they were part of the picture of loving Carter. After all, I reminded myself, when Fonya and Cully were fully grown, in about 15 years, he and I would be alone. And I knew my love for him was strong enough to stand the test of time.