10 Ways to Change Your Life for the Better

Deciding to Change Your Life

Deciding to Change Your Life

1.       Develop new, better habits

Give yourself 90 days to learn how to:

Eat better (educate yourself).

Exercise more.

Surround yourself with positive people and influences.

Stop watching the news.

Stop habitually talking to yourself (silently or out loud).

Stop whining.

Stop all mood-altering drugs, potions, poisons.

Make a plan.

Create goals.

Take ACTION: Especially this one, my favorite Life-Changer that worked miracles for me 30 years ago:

Repeat silently, in whatever fashion you can figure that will work for your beliefs and temperament, some phrase that simply says, “I honor my Higher Self.” Keep repeating this affirmation you create over and over, until it becomes a habit. It will take a minimum of 90 days to create any new habit, so please do NOT give up. When you forgot just remind yourself, gently, and start again, repeat your own-worded phrase that means, roughly, “I honor (respect) my Better Side, my Higher Self.”

2.         Stop judging

Give yourself credit that you’ll take 90 days to truly believe and know that All are part of the One. This is another way of saying that We are One, “We” being literally, everything—everything!—in existence).

This means, even though it may appear that someone or something is really awful, wrong, creepy, or even evil—their existence is part of the bigger, whole picture that you have no control over, but only the (unknown, un-named) consciousness that connects us all has. It’s like we’re in a giant ping pong match and the player is “Consciousness” (which some call Higher Power, others call Great Spirit, or God, or the Mystery) and our only job is to keep focused on the ability to CHOOSE to keep ping-ing and ponging, to live naturally (without drugs/alcohol/addictions). When we do this, and live naturally, we are living according to our Higher Self, and we have chosen to turn our backs on the ways of the lower self (to be explained below).

3.         Awareness — Acceptance — Action

In any category of your life (personal, work, social, health) once you have identified a challenge (let’s not call them problems shall we?), you have become AWARE of some area of your life that needs fine-tuning, change, improvement, or dismissing if appropriate. After a while, you may forget about it or slip into a state of denial about whatever is troubling your life. Until — Bam! It pops up again, and again, only worse each time. This time, right here and NOW — ACCEPT the situation that needs bettering. Once you have done this, you’ve practiced two out of the three steps of how to make a change: you’ve done awareness and acceptance, so the next step of changing is easy: and that’s to ACT. Take small steps. Make one simple goal. Do one phone call. Make one little change. Create an affirmation for your intent to change and pin it up somewhere you can see. Repeat it as often as you can. Do the above for ALL areas of your life that you’re working on. Become aware of the issue, accept that you need to change it, and then you’re ready to take action.

4.         You’re only as great as the company you keep!

Look at your life. Look at your friends. Look at your family. Are you surrounded by negatives? Well then, it’s time to either make some changes (if you can) or learn how to DETACH (more on that later).  Try shutting the TV off more often. Give yourself a break from the news. Glance at a newspaper if you must, but turn the TV news off (it’s all focused on negative aspects of any story).  Make efforts to get to know some new people. Visit your local health food store, ask them about groups that discuss positive things in life. Go to open-to-public AA meetings and become familiar with the wonderful spiritual fellowship that the 12-step programs use to live in harmony with difficulties and how they detach from life’s hassles.

5.         Train yourself to not stress!

Yes, you can, too! I know this sounds impossible, but with time (the 90 day-period, remember) anyone can learn to change. No doubt you tend to focus on negative aspects of life rather than the positives (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this, now would you?).  How do you not worry, be afraid, be sad, be depressed? Choose! Choose it and IT will be yours. Awareness – Acceptance – Action (remember these three steps with ALL the new positive choices you want to make in your life). Stress is only a matter of where the mind is focused. We can train our minds, just like a person can train a bad, unruly dog to be obedient and calm. How? Gently remind yourself that you choose not to focus on negative thoughts. When you feel yourself slipping, gently remind yourself that, “Oops! There I go again,” and bring your mind, that “bad unruly mind” of yours, gently back to the positive, mantra-like statement you chose to develop as a habit in #1: “I honor my Higher Self.” Do this as often as you have to until not “buying into” stress becomes as much a habit as the positive statement of “respecting my Better Side” that you’re teaching yourself to BELIEVE. Don’t forget! It will take a minimum of 90 days’ effort so please be patient with yourself. Don’t give up! A mental pattern (thinking negative thoughts) is a habit. And ONLY a habit. A very bad, very destructive habit that you can choose to change.

6.       Laugh, Love, and Lighten up!

Life is only a matter of a few years, decades, then poof! It’s over. So why not enjoy what you’ve got, even if you’ve got hassles, problems, health issues, or bad relationships. Why not? You deserve to be happy! Even rich and healthy people can choose to be unhappy if they wish. So choose to be happy and you will be, it’s that simple. Every person who is happy will tell you that they choose to be that way. Everyone has problems. A person with no problems could choose to be miserable if he or she chose to be that way.  If troubles come to you, please find someone you can share them with, not to burden them with your problems, but to share the burden. All humans have problems. People who care about others want to help the ones who are troubled to become less burdened. By becoming familiar with and visiting the 12-step rooms of recovery (in all the various forms of the Anonymous programs available everywhere) you will learn how this is done. Informally, easily, and honestly. It’s no big deal. Just spill the beans. Don’t keep troubles inside! They just fester and poison your mind, poison your heart, and ruin your chance for any happiness in life.

7.        Help Others

The best way to get out of your own problems is to help another. You think you’ve got it rough! Wait till you see so-and-so. This sharing of life’s burdens won’t increase your troubles, on the contrary, it will lighten the load of both you the helper and the other person you’re helping, increasing both your levels of self-esteem in the process. Compassion is the great glue of humankind. “Do to others what you want them to do to you.” If you’re hurting doesn’t it feel great if someone takes the trouble to help? Well … initiate the exchange and go find someone to help, even if it’s just taking a moment from your busy life to speak to a homeless person as if he or she is a real human being and not some pitied object people try to avoid.  Join the Charter for Compassion if you wish (Info on Charter for Compassion HERE) and help spread compassion throughout the world with this international grassroots movement that bridges all people, in all countries, no matter what culture, faith, or political situation they live by.

8.        Learn to Detach

Wha?? What gives? How can I help others if I’m detached. Isn’t that an oxymoron?

NO! Detachment does NOT mean you don’t care. Detachment means that you train yourself to not let any person, place, or thing rock you off that center of peaceful mental attitude that some call serenity, others call equanimity, some describe as contentment, and others think it’s just plain happiness. Let me explain serenity: it is not being in denial, or indifferent to what occurs (whether good or bad) but rather detachment is not letting any extreme (either good or bad occurrences) alter the well-earned peaceful state of mind some have even called bliss. Even when bad news happens, if a person has trained themselves NOT to react to bad news, a person will accept the bad news but NOT let it throw a wrench in their commitment to living life from as evolved a state of mind as they can. Of course this type of detaching-thinking takes practice.

How can a person practice or develop detachment?

Learn to become the “witness” to life’s events. Just pretend you’re watching yourself go through whatever is happening, but you’re not really “IN” it. Some would call this type of thinking, being “the Witness” a form of meditation, where the mind is urged to be emptied of thoughts. Others call “witness consciousness” a form of concentration or contemplation, where you urge your “bad unruly mind” to be still instead of letting it get bounced around by others’ weirdnesses. Train your mind to rest in a place that can be described as the Big Heart. THIS is “the Witness” that will help you keep detached from others’ behaviors, or life’s upheavals. It is that warm, fuzzy feeling that yes, does feel like it comes from your heart — when your heart and your mind have been opened and are fully in synch with your Higher Self.

9.       Commit to Living in Collaboration with your Higher Self

Life is all about choices, right? We’ve already established that with mundane habits such as bad vs. good diets, right amount or inadequate amounts of exercise to maintain good health, the company we choose to keep, detaching from difficult situations that would ordinarily ruin any chance of happiness one might have. Here, we’re now talking about the “Real Secret” to transforming your unhappy life into something like “Heaven on Earth.” I’m not being corny! Believe me, I’m speaking from personal experience. Please open your mind and believe what I’m about to say. We all have the choice to believe we are lowly humans, destined to lousy lives, pain, financial insecurity, conflicts, wars, gross injustices, political scams, etc. – in other words: we can believe that we are what some call “the lower self.” This is also known as the ego. That part of you that has been programmed to believe what you’ve been handed, beginning with your parents’ beliefs, your culture’s, your faith’s, ending with the government and society in general.

Well—get ready! Here too, in this category of “Who Am I?” you have a choice. You can choose, as I have, as countless scores have and will continue to do so, more and more in this coming age of enlightenment that is NOW — that we are much more than what we appear to be. WE have a Higher Self. That part of our human nature that is part of and intricately interwoven with ALL that is in existence.

Scientists have already proven that cells communicate from far corners of a person’s body, within each person’s body. Soon they will confirm the already suspected hypothesis that ALL in creation is connected by an invisible, unknown energy that can only be described as Oneness or Unity Consciousness. THIS is the part of you that you can choose to embrace. This consciousness within you is the Real YOU! You are within and part-of, and are equal to the consciousness that permeates all things. You have within you a Higher Self, a built-in communicator, enhanced and deepened profoundly, exponentially, by the amount of time you spend in thought-less (the “Witness”) meditation. This is how to awaken the Real You.

Learn to meditate. Learn to dwell on your Inner Self, which is part of and ONE with the consciousness that is within all of creation. If you don’t believe me, learn about the discoveries made by Stephen Hawking (click here for a TED talk by Stephen explaining the Universe) and other quantum physicists, expounding on the theory that was begun even before Einstein wrote about it. That we are all One. The Native Americans said so long ago: “We are part of the web of life. If one does something to the web, the entire web is affected.”

And finally, the ONLY thing you have to do to have a happy, fulfilled, impervious-to-fears-and-troubles life, IF you can’t do any of the other 9 above ….

10.      See God in All

This is not some rote religious command. This statement is a synthesis of all the discoveries, actions, new positive habits that one CHOOSES to practice described above. When a person is in good health, mentally, physically and spiritually — they see that we are connected to ALL in existence. This connection is energetic and has yet no name other than (a few examples) Spirit, the Divine, the Web of Life, and there are many others. People throughout history have been trying to describe this connection of energy, sometimes in myths, sometimes in legends, sometimes in ascribing magical, mystical, or divine powers to others who have tapped this Inner Power and spread the Good Word of its existence, and how easy it is to access, if only a person chooses to embrace it, use it, honor it, never forget it.


Note to my reader:

I hope the above has helped you to courageously approach whatever situation you’re facing, and choose to change. I support your endeavors and will do anything I can to help you on your journey. If you have any personal questions or issues you’d like to share with me, I invite you to drop me an email: dearlordflea@gmail.com

With Great Love, Light, and Laughter shared with ALL,

Your pal Lord Flea

Binky speaks of balance

my hopi indian friend, binky person called yesterday. i’ve spoken of him on lordflea before, about how ironic it is for me, a person who writes and arts, lives in the congested East Coast of America, yet holds true the sacred of all beings in my heart as the most important things to cherish–that binky and i happened to meet.

protector of us All--the Inner Spirit

protector of us All--the Inner Spirit

it was all because of my other indian pal, an acoma from outside albuquerque, named petuuche. petuuche is a very worldly, well-travelled man who is the official historian of his people. i met Petuuche (his name from a sacred rock formation) whom i met years ago while covering an interesting story about how the Acoma were finally able to buy back their tribal lands, taken away by the greedy white men who thought the “savages” ought to be separated from the rest of the new country of America. Finally, after years of poverty, alcoholism, and desperate no-hope isolated living, many indigenous peoples of America, the Acoma included, are now able to accumulate the wealth needed to live like human beings among the others who have taken over their lands. How? the gambling industry, that’s how!

Hooray for the white peoples’ almost universal tendency to become addicted, because with so many gambling addicts afoot, the indigenous are finally able to buy back, bit by bit, piece by piece, the sacred lands of their ancestors that were taken from them, by legal treaties, back in the 18th Century, and divied out to ranchers.

Now petuuche’s tribe, the Acoma of Sky City, who dedicate their intention-based lives to praying for all humanity, have managed to re-appropriate what was theirs to begin with. Kudos to the gambling industry! I think all gambling should belong to the Native Americans. Let the entire city of Las Vegas be owned by them, and the world will finally have a smidgin of karmic justice.

Guardian of the People's Spirit

Guardian of the People's Spirit

So Petuuche is the one who introduced me to Binky Person, who is the opposite of a worldly, sophisticated, well-travelled person. He himself has replaced alcoholism with a deep spiritual practice, as he is a guardian of the old ways that many of his people have forgotten, as they drift through life in the haze of wanting-consumerism and practicing alcoholism, his fellow hopies so isolated and so out of hope, being one of the unfortunate indigineous tribes who have no gambling casinos.

the hopi have no gambling casinos and hardly anything else, but the energy to get up each morning and walk to their corn patch, as Binky does, and watch his plants grow, splash a little water on them to help them along. And splash a little water on his own face to remind him why he’s here.

The hopi have few means to lift themselves up, and many are sunk into an alcoholic miasmi of forlorn isolation, as many Native Americans are prone to alcoholism–a genetic blip perhaps, or the result of their situation? Binky tries to organize the people to do runs, to honor their old ways; but mostly he’s met with resistance, ridicule, and scorn. Why? Because his fellow hopis want what the rest of America has–things! possessions! opportunities! education! possibilities!

Binky and I, when we speak, talk of how we both strive to balance both these things in our own lives–dedicating our lives to serving Great Spirit yet embracing all that’s good about modern ways. After all, I remind Binky, “You are speaking to me on a cell phone, aren’t you?” And we do have many good things that have resulted from people WANTING things. The issue is … balance:

reach for the stars, but stay grounded

reach for the stars, but stay grounded

Petuuche knew of my affinities with the Natives, having native blood mixed in with mine, as a lot of us half-breeds do, being typical “american mutts” as i think even Obama has called himself. Petuuche told me to call Binky, because I wanted to offer my support in the endeavor Binky was trying to get going out in his neck of the woods–out in the villages and scattered groups of hopi who live close to the Black Mesa in Arizona, near where the oldest still-inhabited town of America is–Old Araibi.

When I first spoke to Binky and told him that I support his work, and wanted to send him a small check to show my support in a small way, he actually cried. This grown man wept at the heart-to-heart understanding I was offering him, on the telephone, with him not owning anything but the cell phone we spoke on, and a humble house in which he lived with an adult son who suffers Down Syndrome, no doubt the result of his mother’s rampant alcoholism, who abandoned Binky when the son was age 3 in order to drink alone, away from responsibility, without restraint.

and so binky and i have become recently become friends. we speak on the phone. i share and empathize with his battle, similar to the one i feel i’m in as a dedicated spiritual warrior who arts. i suggest he do some sun salutes for his aching back. to let go of his tormetors, his criticizers. to detach from negativities. i sent him a little book showing how to do a simple Iyengar sun salute. he says his back is much better, thanks. he tells me things i feel i need to here also, to be reminded of. like how we all need to splash a little water on our face, just to remember our connection to water, to the good Earth that brings forth the water. and plant some seeds. and grow some corn, some beans. keep it simple, sweetheart!

you’ll hear me speak of binky every now and then. we all need to know someone like a binky. he keeps us grounded during these times that are so economically difficult for many. because for people like binky, nearly all the indigenous peoples who have had their lands, their honor, their very humanness taken away by the greedy conquerors from far away–they have learned to focus on the connection to what they call the Mystery–Great Spirit–or, God if you will–that force that is the center of our being here. the only thing that matters, in the end.

the JOY of spiritualizing mundane life

the JOY of spiritualizing mundane life

Even if everyone else forgets, which is how binky feels, we must always remember we are One. sadly, binky sees so many of his fellow Hopis lost in alcoholism, lost in the dream, unreachable at the moment, of wanting to be just like the people they see on television, the ones with stuff stuff stuff. and binky needs to hear me when i tell him to not give up on his less zealous (about HIS projects) fellow hopis. perhaps their time will come when they will reawaken to the ancient ways, the rituals, the intentionality, as binky so desires for his people.  myriad possibilities lie ahead for ALL humankind, as we help each other spiritualize, instead of being focused on the material side of life. let’s remember to help each other more, instead of find fault. we need to remember that all of us are warriors, and the fight we are in is about helping humankind remember that Spirit is the only issue of lasting, real importantance in our life.

Join the Army of Love

Join the Army of Love

leave the politics and the economics and all the other way-too-complicated stuff to the leaders that we spent so much energy on getting elected.


if YOU want to be happy during this hard transition time, please come close to the inner Self, the Spirit of Creation that flows through you, and each and every one of us. aplash a little water on your face, whenever you feel down and out. remember ownership leads to difficulties. whenever people put too much importance on ownership, there is always a disconnect with their relationship with Great Spirit.

if you do own a lot, share it with others. if you aspire to own more than you do, make sure you dedicate the reason you’re acquiring is to help others–keep the ownership thing for the purpose of the entire human family to grow closer to being spiritually fulfilled.

and…for those of you who live in st. augustine, fl, as i do–please remember to correct people when they say our town is “the oldest city in america”–because that just ain’t true. truly, it is the oldest WHITE GUY’S city…but the oldest city in america is the Hopi Pueblos out west, in Old Araibi, where people have been living continuously for thousands of years. let’s give credit to where it belongs. even though today Old Araibi has no indoor plumbing, and each family has their own outhouse (I’ve been there, I know!) and there are no restaurants, no gas stations, no computers even–this is a thriving city where people have great love in their hearts for each other, their land, their country, and the meaning of existence–to honor Great Spirit that flows through all things.

in the Light, lordflea