I can feel you, darling person. I can feel your heart, so far away but like it’s right beside me here, in my home, by my side, or me by your side (which I’d rather, thank you very much!). Either way, the connectedness of heart-recognition is strong between us. And of course I feel your pain about not being with your beloved, your recently departed. But … you must remember that you ARE!!! S/He is in his/her spirit body, that’s all! Nothing’s changed except their cellular, molecular configuration. S/He’s right with you all the time, everywhere, in the middle of every single thought, deed, action. Seriously. I know that sounds hokey, and oh yeah, more baloney, but it’s true. And of course hearing words doesn’t stop us from aching for that physical nearness that we had, and came to rely on, and need even.
You are strong! and … you must remember, and believe that S/He IS WITH YOU! You can talk to him/her (which I’m sure you do all the time), you can communicate with them, too, if you wish. And I don’t just mean like at a gypsy seance. I mean through stilling the mind, in a quiet meditation, where everything is ONE, that state wherein you and I and all of us, past, present, future — are ONE. That’s where the real nectar of life takes place. Inside the outside stuff.
Nothing on the outside really counts, or matters. Not where you are or what you’re doing, or whom you’re with, or not. All that matters is that which is within you. All that’s true — is to feel that you and I, and all of “this” are ONE. And that is where S/He that you miss so much truly is, and always shall be. And if you ever forget that, I’m here to remind you. Because it’s true. Not because I’m some spiritual maniac, or magician, or dumpkoff new ager.
Within ourselves, deep within, in that BIG HEART of ours I speak of so often, that’s where we’re all connected. That part of you that’s still child-like, and trusts that God is in charge. And if you can just remember that, you are okay. But if you forget, be kind to yourself, and just lovingly pat that hurt little-girl/boy that misses her/his beloved so much, and forgive yourself for forgetting — and go within. Go to that Big Heart of yours and start feeling connected to whomever, whatever you’re missing, because you ARE ONE with everything. And that’s where your beloved is. And always has been, and always will be. Forever.
The physical is so … physical. It comes, it goes. One day we’re young and healthy, the next we’re old and sick. Each day, each moment is so precious. The days won’t be that long before you’re old, too. Right now you’re not, but before you know it! Wheisk! Yyu’re there! That’s why it’s so important to count each second of life as a blessing, as a gift. Yes, the tears come, the tear run sometimes like rivers, but then you pull your shoulders back and remember … All is well. Love is within me. I am Love. Love is me. We are ONE.
I am still processing missing my mom. It’ll be two years in a few weeks. I’m astounded how much I miss her, still! But it’s true. She was with me for 68 years. I got used to her, I guess, even though she was sometimes painfully anti-me. She and I were one flesh, bound by blood and spirit. She and I now feel bigger, like we’re really ONE, not just related, mother-daughter, but in a conscious way she has merged into me, and I accept all that she is, was, and will be, within myself.
I imagine you must feel the same, only more lovingly, more achingly because your beloved was your spouse. Sexual energy is a bond that goes beyond blood. But that merging of energies, two as ONE, is still the Oneness that I’m talking about. Where two separate things really, beyond doubt, have merged, to become ONE, inseparably. like two rivers joined at their fork. Forever to be inseparable. That’s you and your beloved. Inseparable. And that’s good.
That doesn’t mean you have to be sad and mourn him forever. It’s a recognition that you can say to yourself, “You and I are forever joined, as ONE, and this we can celebrate in so many ways.” Then bless those tears when they come, those feelings of missing, of aching the loss, because they are reminders that you and S/He are ONE. Your life is no longer just “you.” Of course you probably felt like this when you guys were together too, but I’m talking about something deeper, something more … permanently a ONEness than could ever happen when we’re in our physical body.
I’m thinking of how I feel ONE with my mom, and I never felt that way when she was alive. She was just … my mom. But now, because I feel her, I invite her more profoundly into my life. I accept her now as an inseparable part of me. All the good about her, I embrace. All the annoying stuff that used to bother the crap out of me, I don’t pay any more attention to. In fact, it gets harder and harder to remember all the annoying habits she used to have. But when she was alive they drove me crazy, and they also drove me away from her.
I’m so glad you’ve written me that you’re feeling your beloved’s loss. But … I’m just lovingly reminding you that, really truly, you haven’t lost his love. You’ve just had to say goodbye to his physical form. And what’s that? That’s the least lovable part about a person, isn’t it? The blood and guts and piss and shit part of a person. But you know your beloved’s heart, soul, his ever singing good nature, her kindness, his adventuresomeness, and all the other great parts of her being. Which are now YOU, because S/He willed their life force into YOU. You and S/He are truly ONE.
If you forget again, just write me and I’ll be happy to remind you, as many times as you need, my dear friend!
i love you, teZa aka LordFlea