Hello Dear Ones,
I’m writing you from unsunny Montana, and for those who’ve been following Lordflea for a while, you know this in itself is almost earth-shaking! Because I am a tropics-loving person, always preferring to live, work, travel and enjoy life in tropical latitudes. Always! So, you may wonder, am I here? And why the title of “Certainty” for this particular post?
The only certainty in life is … change.
Let’s get this over with, out in the open, made clear, and easily understood right away. Since forever I’ve been fascinated by the only reliable thing in life, change, shown me by actual things I experienced, was forced to, thrust into, made rudely or gleefully aware of so many times since my earliest years. So fascinated was I by change that, when I finally discovered the ancient Chinese text, the “I Ching” or, “The Book of Changes” it felt like I finally was lucky, to have met the wisest, most truth-bearing sage ever. And truthfully, I had. For many long years I used, ritualistically, the text and its wisdom that Confucius is said to have transcribed in 500 BC from the thousands-years-old oral tradition. For those who don’t know, in order to glean the knowledge ascribed to the 66 “pictograms” (called hexagrams because of the six lines of which they’re comprised), the I Ching is best approached with a reverent attitude. Make a special time with no distractions. Have a precise and simple question in mind, a simple yes or no answer is better than one that needs explanation. Preferably record the results to refer to at a later date. In modern times ordinary coins are used (I prefer pennies) for what was once an hour-long ceremony using traditionally dried yarrow stalks that the asker puts, using a precise method, in different bundles until a mathematical formula is arrived at. In my twenties I gathered the yarrow, dried, and used the stalks only on very rare occasions. Other times I did the “quickie modern” 3-penny method of approaching the oracle. If anyone wants more precise instructions, please leave me a comment and i’ll be happy to respond, or even do another post about my personal and insightful experiences with using the I Ching.
From my teens, when I discovered The Book Of Change, change became my ally. Because the I Ching taught me to believe in its inevitability, and its intrinsic necessity to attain true happiness. I trusted change as my connection to the more magical, spiritual states available to me, of being human. To this very day I trust the when change happens, and we’re not just forcing our will to make something happen that suits our “little” aims, our willy-nilly ego — this is one of the ways higher consciousness leads us to our ultimate truth. It is for each of us to discover what truth awaits us at the beginning, middle and end of each of our great life transformation, and even the small little changes that happen without our noticing. Of course the trick here, as in all of life, is to make sure we’re in tune with “higher” consciousness, and not just trying to manipulate life to suit our “lower” purposes. If we make changes to only suit our superficial desires, for instance, we will never attain happiness. Being able to tell the difference between “good” and “foolish” change takes practice. I recommend, for those wanting to know how, within themselves, without the aid of even a book or a psychic, or anything or anyone else — to take up a meditation practice even for a few minutes each day. To learn to “tune in.” Clearing our mind’s superficial thoughts helps to eliminate all the unnecessary “babble” in our minds, so that when a thrust of “needed changing-direction-energy” comes into our awareness we are ready to receive it, not doubt it, and are brave enough to follow its lead.
So now that we trust change, this brings me to share with you the reason I am here in Montana. Our beloved daughter, of my consort Carter and myself, his blood daughter, my Angel-daughter (I’m her stepmom) is going through a very hard, very challenging change. She and her husband of 5 years are separating. This is sad enough, but compiled to the change is their almost-three year old son, with all the demands of young childhood, making this needed-change much more challenging, complicated, and immeasurably sadder.
Yet even when a change brings sadness, as this separation does, this one involving physical distance and a gigantic move (from Montana to Florida! with one parent there and the other over yonder, at least until they can figure out the mechanics of separation regarding illness and recovery, work responsibilities, child-sharing, etc.) — even though this is one of the tougher changes in life, surely as difficult as losing a loved one in death — it is far better to live in love than to stay in a situation that only breeds mistrust, anger, and ultimately, the opposite of respect and love, such as our daughter’s relationship unfortunately has become.
Yes, this change is a sad and difficult one. But change is never easy. Some changes are way easier, even joyful. But I’d say this is one of the most difficult I’ve ever witness, vastly complicated by our daughter’s serious illness, which has just been diagnosed a longterm undetected Lyme disease.
Now we embark upon a serious journey, as a family: our daughter and her husband, her child, her dad and me. Our focus as our daughter’s parents are to help her regain her health and to start life anew, as a (gulp) single parent. We feel confident she will recover fully from this illness that at times is so mysterious, known to be as debilitating as anything imaginable. It’s been undetected in her for 16 years, but she is young and strong, trained as an athlete and so we feel her body has enough stored-energy to help fight this tenacious disease off, restore her to health, and bring balance back into her life.
Meanwhile, I am here helping her “get used to change” … to help with the day-to-day stuff, packing, child-caring, etc. in preparation for her move back to be closer to us, her parents. To become well again in an environment that’s supportive and loving. She will have her own place, but near to us. I raised this girl since she was seven and I know her as well as any one on earth. She is doing the right thing, this change, after much thought and discussion, along with and separate from talks with her husband.
With change, there ought be no blame. There’s just change. Often change is as hard as it is necessary.
So, my friend, if you are struggling with a difficult situation in your own life, contemplate the pros and cons of how change would affect your particular set of circumstances. Step back from “being in the middle of it,” and become the Witness, the Observer, if you will, of your own life. As if you were someone else looking at your life, as if you were viewing your life like a movie you’re in but you’re not in the middle of it. Try to picture how things would change, either to the benefit or detriment, if you decide to change. Do this exercise as much and as long as it takes for you to come up with a clear answer to the question you ask your inner Self: “Will a change be best for my higher Self? Or will staying, and working out my difficult challenge be the best to grow closer to the Light of Truth?”
Only YOU can answer this question. And if change happens to you, without your consent, do your best to accept it as wholly and as quickly as you possibly can.
I send blessings to all of you, and with you am taking a deep breath in appreciation of this truly marvelous gift of life.
Love, your pal Lordflea (aka teZa Lord)