Lordflea and her consort, Carter

I’m reading my first graphic novel: “Are You My Mother?” by Alison  Bechdel and suddenly I’m wondering if I could do something as insightful, as complex, as detailed, as … fun! … as this “Comic Drama.” I think I’ll try. It may take me years, but I think I’ll give it a go.

Today the sky is filled with the offshore winds of tropical storm Beryl … and this too, the weather, fills me with the kind of excitement that makes me want to communicate how exciting life is, how many varied flavors of enjoyment we can share, together.

The Charter for Compassion has become a focus of my long-held desires to put my artistic and spiritual overflow of energy toward something concretely useful, and applicable to social change. If you haven’t already, please commit to the Charter for Compassion (commit means you “sign” it electronically and this asserts you are conscious of wanting the entire world to bridge differences, and each of us live from the aspect of being humanly compassionate toward each other, ending differences brought about by nationality, race, religion, politics, etc.).

Art give me goosebumps, it can open the gateway from this world of nuts and bolts into the realm of the mystic and sublime. Here’s the latest discovery that thrills me: the Australian musician Gotye, who combines unique visuals and videos with his Sting-like voice and sensitive emotings. Check him out here: Gotye’s cool arty video  I’ve watched this video at least 5 times since discovering it just last night. Gotye was introduced to me via a re-run of Saturday Night Live last night where they did a parody-skit on this particular video. I’m a little slow on the uptake, folks … but wow, I gotcha gotya Gotye! I’m a fan now.

Yoga … ah, how I love doing, sharing, talking about, practicing, exploring, benefiting from, and being grateful that I discovered yoga at an early age. Studying the philosophy has opened my world to mysteries that i thought only belonged to my youthful dreams–but they’re real. The real world, to a yogi and yogini (like me) is the connection with the Inner Self. What else is there? At the moment when everything else dissolves, only the connection to Truth and Love is what counts. Chanting is one of my favorite practices. I do hatha yoga (the physical poses) most days. I try to practice household yoga, which means that i consider my home my temple and respect all people as I would like them to respect me.

Dance: moving the body to rhythms both inner and outer, these are delights of a healthy life. Enjoying others on stage performing structured dance is like watching people erect great architecture–it’s overwhelming in scope and talent, and only a few can do what they do. Aren’t we lucky to have so many diversified people on this glorious planet of ours?

Nature, my great Teacher. The Mother of us all. Whoever says that Nature and God are two different things don’t understand the depth some of us understand the power of Nature. Nature is the seen and felt expression of that which cannot be understood by any other resource but the inner perceptions. And all us humans have been given the gifts to understand Nature. Some of us have a more difficult time with abstract expressions of the Divine, certain forms of God Consciousness that are written about in sacred books. But Nature—ah, now this is something we can observe, merge with, and feel deeply in every pore of our being. There is no difference between God and Nature.

Just a few random thoughts to share with you today, my dear friends.

Your pal sending Love and Light to your heart, from mine,

Lordflea

“Nurturing Self, Nurturing Others”

the time to nurture the world is NOW

This post is an excerpt where I’m discussing how to the third of the only 3 Non-Rules needed to raise kids (from my years of spiritual stepparenting, being Angel Mom). But first, here are the three in case you need to start working with them in your own situation. They work!

#1 Non-Rule: See God in Each Other

#2 Non-Rule: Listen and Do

#3 Non-Rule: Hands, Feet, Mouth and Words to your own Self

We could summarize how to take thethirdNon-Rule into the world by saying:

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” — practicing the Golden Rule, in other words.

How can we say it any better? I don’t think there’s a better way that what the Golden Rule so succinctly states. In all the world religions there is a version of the Golden Rule, Stated either in its negative or positive fashion.

Because this is already a well known adage, and most people believe they live according to the Golden Rule anyway (or would like to think they do) that’s why we urge everyone, young or old, religious or non-affiliated, agnostic or atheist, faith-based or no faith, or trust only in science and intellectual proof of your personal beliefs, people from all walks of life, all ways of living, and from all the corners of the globe—we invite everyone to:

Sign the Charter for Compassion and Live Compassionately!

Get involved in this international grassroots movement (begun in 2008 by a joint venture of many international sources) that promotes the universal, non-political, non-religious understanding of how we can apply the Golden Rule to modern life, no matter where you live, no matter by what standards you live, we can change the world—right here, right now.

Visit the Charter for Compassion’s website and COMMIT to living compassionately. The Charter will be explored in more depth later in our discussion on nurturing.

we all THINK we live compassionately -- but do we, really?

Of course kids look at our behavior all the time, relying on signals and unspoken communications as well as directly spoken messages for how they ought to behave right now, to get clues about how to act later, when they grow up.

When you extend your love and compassion beyond your immediate family, by helping others less fortunate than yourself in any way you can, you teach an indelible lesson to your child(ren).

By refraining from judging others, bad-mouthing others’ behavior, complaining and/or whining about the state of the world affairs, or your neighbor’s weird lawn ornaments, and instead, get into doing and thinking about positive acts toward making our world a better place—this is not only the best way to teach your ward(s) that life is more than just about your own little life, your family, your familiar environment … but about all of humankind everywhere. The entire planet, including the living organism known as Mother Earth. A truly involved and evolved (spiritually enlightened) person cares about the fate of the entire world.

You, as an adult who lives in human society, may not need the “hands, feet” part of this helpful hint of how to nurture. But keeping your thoughts and words positive and uplifting, you feed the solution of our world’s problems rather than add to the burden of our world’s already overwhelming challenges in the years and decades ahead. This how each of us can apply this important Non-Rule to everyday life outside the raising of child(ren) or the uplifting of our own Self.

Remember that everything you say, or think for that matter, sends energy out into the world. Your words and thoughts are symbolic seeds of your intentions.

If you speak negatively, you are adding to the world’s dilemma. If you train yourself to speak positively, and learn to meditate, thereby gaining the ability to re-train your thinking to focus on positive, uplifting things—you are doing yourSelf a great service, giving your child(ren) a terrific boost to their self-esteem and starting them off on the right foot to becoming helpful citizens of the world—and, lastly, you’re helping the future of the entire world.

Everything counts! Every thought, word and deed, adds up!

Keep your words as positive as possible. They are a reflection of the state your mind is in.

identifying with the Teacher

Within each of us is part of everyone and everything else — it’s true! We are All One. Some of us feel this more strongly than others. But that doesn’t make it not true when some don’t feel this truth in their own life, or disagree when someone feels it in theirs. I have experienced this Oneness for myself, so for me there is no question. Also, I’ve been with someone who was in the process of dying (life-transition) and they too experienced this Oneness I’m talking about, just before leaving their physical body. So for the topic of Oneness, and using it as a subject for making art it’s a no-brainer. it’s the equivalent of some people painting horses, cats, or teddy-bears, really. I love Oneness! It’s so inspired my life, my quest for life’s magic that I wish to share it with as many people as I can.

we are indeed, ALL ONE. Let’s look at it from another perspective, shall we?

we humans are crystals of shared energy and consciousness

However, no matter how many testimonials from others, or scientific proof newly discovered about consciousness and how it communicates, mysteriously, but universally — some people insist that they, their personality, their being-ness are separate. That their life is completely their own. That their decisions only affect themselves, their immediate friends and families, etc.

But guess what? This isn’t true. Everything each of us does, whether we’re conscious of it or not, affects the entire world … and I’d dare say the entire Multiverse. One’s life, one’s actions — one’s thoughts — these may not seem like anything important at the time, but … each of our thoughts and actions, certainly our life, counts very much indeed.

Because, after all, our thoughts are nothing less than seeds of actions that will come-to-be in the future. Every action starts with a thought. There is no action, not even the most spontaneous one, that doesn’t arise from having had a thought, even if that flicker of a thought was mere seconds, or a mili-second before an action is completed.

The black and white drawing, the first image, therefore, depicts how it feels when a person such as (I and many of my seeker/spiritual activist friends) have made a conscious alignment with the spiritual philosophy of a certain teacher. The teacher, literally, figuratively, and spiritually, lives within us. The teachings that have resounded in our hearts and minds, become part of our everyday collection of Truths. We use these Truths to decipher how to live, what to decide, how to act.

This is what I was thinking when I drew the image in my journal. Do you relate to its significance? Can you share with us about your feelings?

love and Light from your pal Lordflea

nurturing Self, nurturing Others--then nurture the World

In the process of nurturing, many positive patterns are developed in a human being. Think of the much-loved infant that gets constantly cuddled and adored, surrounded by smiling faces and constant attention. This is the kind of support you will be giving yourself, and anyone else you choose to nurture, when you have chosen to embrace first self-development, then helping others, and finally reaching out to do global nurturing of all kinds. All three of these kinds of acts, nurturing yourSelf, nurturing others, and nurturing the entire world, are inextricably linked. You can’t practice one without eventually practicing the other. You may, however, focus entirely on nurturing your own SELF first, if you wish. Especially if you think that previously in your life, you have been lacking in this area and are ready to change.

As an aside, I’d like to explain why I use the capital letter “S” to write Self, because I do that purposely. The small “s” self for purposes of our discussion here is regarded as the emblem of a person who lives predominantly from their lower consciousness, sometimes called programming or the ego. Ego is okay in small doses, for without it we would not be who we are. But we need to develop a healthy ego in order to develop into mature individuals. That part of every human being’s personality that psychologists and philosophers call ego, must adjust to the greater good in order to grow into a healthy, spiritually fit, emotionally balanced adult. So for the purpose of our differentiating the spiritually-developed Self from a person’s not-yet awakened consciousness, still immersed in ego and referred to as “self”, the spiritually and emotionally healthy individual in our discussion is refer to as having a healthy “Self.”

The awakening of this Self that resides within us all is what we shall accomplish in our journey here. Together we’ll discover a way to live from our Higher Self and cast aside the old, never-fulfilling, always-painfully lacking smaller, lesser self.

By the way, it’s the lower self that tells us to eat too much, drink too much, take unnecessary drugs, gamble without control, shop as an addiction, and all other negative habits that serve only to numb our pain. Whereas it’s our Higher Self that’s the part of us that says, “Hey! It’s only life! Lighten up! Focus on the positive, let go of the negatives. It’s all about choices, sweetheart.” Each one of us has both aspects, lower self and higher Self. Which voice we choose to listen to, or let rule our lives, and becoming the predominant part of you, and each of us—is entirely own choice.

That positive, fun-filled inner voice is the Higher Self that resides within every human heart. The lower self is the part of you that says, “This is all hog wash. Don’t believe it. Life ain’t that uncomplicated, asshole!”

It’s true. We humans, most of us, don’t like change. And nurturing certainly takes effort. Great effort. We are faced with changing negative traits into better ones for adults, and guiding children, or others, for those of us who find ourselves in that role. If we are among the many who are, or were once addicted to feeling bad-sad-mad, we often resist the concept that every person has the choice to feel good—or not. Some people simply don’t want to believe that by choosing to change we can claim our birthright. Others kid themselves that happiness is illusory, or false, or a drawback to life rather than a respectable, attainable asset.

Whichever type of person you are, whether you’re someone who’s scared, or disbelieving, or addicted to change or someone who’s just plain stubborn about changing, lazy, or a non-believer of the greater possibilities positive-change rewards us with—sooner or later something happens in life that makes all of us want to be different than what we have been up to now.

(excerpted from “Nurturing Self, Nurturing Others” SOON to be available as an ebook. Check back for publishing date!)

we are ONE

I’m always vocal when other yogis and meditators claim it’s unethical to eat meat. Such declarations of how eating meat is wrong include: Lower life forms damage a person’s optimum health; It’s murderous to eat food with faces: Eating another creature is immoral and selfish, and Meat lowers the mind’s and body’s vibration. Every instance leaves me, after many self-experiments, unimpressed. Simply put, I was raised on my grandparents’ farm where we revered the lives of all animals who were raised to offer their milk, their eggs, their very lives to us—the humans who conscientiously cared for them.

The magic word here is: conscience.

After finding vegetarianism didn’t suit my body’s needs, nor eating meat adversely affect my mind’s more lofty pursuits, I ignore people who argue against the ethicality of eating natural, untainted meat. To them I offer:

Who are we to think that a carrot has less consciousness than say, a cow, a pig or a chicken? Why would we presume a corn plant doesn’t feel violated every time its ears are torn from its body? Is it murder, I wonder, when someone slices into a lettuce head? How can we be so sure the feelings, or consciousness, of plants are less than those of animals?

As an avid gardener I could make a case for having heard silent screams of onions and beets (I’m exaggerating here!) when I yank them from the ground, I am that sensitive. I ask my vegan friends how can they think it’s more ethical to eat non-meat life forms? The veggie-only types laugh at me, of course, quoting ancient Vedic scripture or the latest book on plant-based diets. I honor their choice of food, but rarely do vegetarians respect an omnivore’s.

Experience-and-knowledge is my only ethical-and-philosophical barometer.  As long as I eat naturally raised food, prepare it with mindful-caring, and use its nutrition to further good things and oppose bad in the world—eating small quantities of meat alongside abundant veggies is as ethical, as nutritious, and as spiritually satisfying as eating solely plant-based foods.

The difference between its being ethical or not is the attitude in which either type of food is eaten. I have seen pure vegans die from virulent cancers. And I observe my healthy, fisher-woman 93-year-old mother, Eve the farm girl, still throwing 100-foot casts using a heavy rod-and-reel, every day on the ocean pier here in St. Augustine, Florida, cooking for herself a bargain steak, fatty pork chop, or cheap Walmart chicken whenever she can’t snag a fresh fish. Who’s to say whose eating is more ethical? Hers, the omnivore, or the vegan who casts askew glances at those who dare eat flesh?

On my grandparent’s farm I was taught to bless all food before it went into my mouth. This, I was told, brings Grace, or sanctity, to the act of eating. As a grownup I thank both plants and critters I’m about to imbibe. I’ve even visited a young bull and thanked him personally for his gift of life before the butcher’s gunshot. I’m grateful for all plants and animals that share their life force with me. I mentally dedicate their life-force food to better focus my own life’s pursuits.

I choose to eat animals because I see their life force as equal to that of plants, as well as my own.

Of course if veggies choose to eat me one day I will, however, make a mad run for it!

we "eat" our Knowledge

Choose to Change—and start nurturing yourSELF right NOW!

In the process of nurturing, many positive patterns are developed in a human being. Think of the much-loved infant that gets constantly cuddled and adored, surrounded by smiling faces and constant attention. This is the kind of support you will be giving yourself, and anyone else you choose to nurture, in the process of embracing both self-development and helping others. Both these acts, nurturing yourself and nurturing others are inextricably linked. You can’t practice one without practicing the other. You may, however, focus entirely on nurturing your own SELF first, if you wish. Especially if you think you have been lacking in this area previously.

As an aside, when I use the capital to write Self I do that purposely. The small “s” self I regard as the emblem of a person who lives predominantly from ego. Ego is okay in small doses, for without it we would not be who we are. We need a healthy ego to develop into mature individuals. But that part of us, our personality which psychologists and philosophers call ego, must adjust to the greater good in order to grow into a healthy, spiritually fit, emotionally balanced adult. The spiritually and emotionally healthy individual is the kind of person I refer to as having a healthy Self.

This is what we shall accomplish in our journey here: together discovering a way to live from our Higher Self and cast aside the old, never-fulfilling, always-painfully lacking smaller, lesser self.

By the way, it’s the lower self that tells us to eat too much, drink too much, take drugs, gamble, shop, etc. to numb our pain, whereas our Higher Self is that part of us that says, “Hey! It’s only life! Lighten up! Focus on the positive, let go of the negatives. It’s all about choices, sweetheart.” That voice is part of you. That positive, fun-filled inner voice is the Higher Self that resides within every human heart.

Most humans don’t like change, and nurturing certainly takes effort, changing negative traits into better ones for adults, and guiding children for those who are in that role. Those of us who are, or were once addicted to feeling bad-sad-mad, often resist that every person has the choice to feel good—or not. Some people simply don’t want to believe that by choosing to change we can claim our birthright. Others kid themselves that happiness is illusory, or false, or a drawback to life rather than an respectable, attainable asset.

Whichever type of person you are, whether you’re someone who’s addicted to change or someone who’s stubborn about changing, or a non-believer of the greater possibilities positive change rewards us with—sooner or later something happens in life that makes all of us want to be different than what we have been up to now.

Once upon a time I was a change-junkie, so in order to embrace the up-till-then, elusive-to-me inner happiness we’re speaking of here, I had to change from—you guessed it—changing so much! I had never found, no matter what different country I was in, what new occupation I tried, or which next relationship I embarked upon next—I always felt, deep inside, that something was terribly lacking in my life.

Others who are not the addicted-to-adventure types such as I, those who are less spontaneous, perhaps a tad more wary of trying new things, who rarely venture from their comfort zones—all of us have the exact same feelings as everyone else. All humans share the life journey of trying to discover some modicum of simple satisfaction.

All humans want, and deserve, to be fulfilled and—for lack of a better word for this inner state of contentment—experience plain old happiness.  Nevertheless, in certain religious belief systems contentment is considered neither necessary nor humanly possible.  If one looks elsewhere, however, we find philosophies that have existed for thousands of years that say the exact opposite—that all humans are born with contentment as their very achievable “birth right.”

The Sanskrit word Satchidananda is my favorite choice for describing this inner state of human feeling that takes only effort to achieve. It translates as Sat – Beingness; Chid – Knowledge; Ananda – Bliss.

What a lovely thought, eh? That just by being alive we can attain the kind of knowledge that will reward us with … bliss. Bliss is simply another word for contentment, aka happiness.

What to do with Others' Karmic Tugs and Pulls

Following the ray of light that leads us to change, we often run into others’ problems or challenges that inadvertently affect our being able to feel happy in whatever life situation we choose to be in. This is often the case when one decides to

• marry or partner with someone who has young children from another marriage/union
• take on a job that seems overwhelming with a difficult situation(s) or person(s) involved
• engage in a new way of being that appears daunting, which involves interacting with others not so harmonious, either belligerent, ignorant, mean, depressed, etc.
• this list of dealing with difficulties goes on … and includes situations/people we have not chosen to be with or have dealings with

Virtually every time we leave the safety of our own home we have to face others.

Most of the time we, as social beings, are polite and interact with respect and practice kindness, at least I’d like to think so. We can all always improve in that regard.

What I’m talking about here is a situation one finds oneself in, for example, when one is either considering marrying or already has, a life-partner who turns out to have a difficult ex-wife, a conflicting life-philosophy, or even a challenging child involved. Another example is when one has taken on a job that instead of being a good choice turns out to be the exact, or so it appears, opposite case. Dealing with other’s karma happens a lot. It can happen in our own families. When we find we’re in an intimate, family-oriented (or day-to-day business scenario, or other up-close-and-personal situation) where in order to continue being involved we have to make a choice, that choice is …

We either must learn to accept that the difficult person or circumstance exists, and accept it, her or him — or — we must leave for our sanity’s sake.

It comes down to simply that.

But sometimes we can’t leave, and our only choice is to accept. So instead of losing our minds (literally) or drink, drug, or rampage over “it” we have to choose to accept our difficult life circumstances. But how to do this without absorbing someone else’s negative, or unresolved karma. The Sanskrit word karma I’m using in this case here, is to describe the manner in which as person’s life is affected by what has comes previously; the result on how one’s current attitudes and manner of living is affected by actions either taken, not taken, or received beforehand. Please keep in mind that in the Eastern tradition, karma is always reversible if one so chooses to do the work necessary to do so. Karma is not set in stone.

In order to not be affected by others’ karma and still remain in a comfortable, ease-ful relationship with them, and still be a happy person, we need to practice detachment (we’ll speak more about detachment later). Here, we’re simply discussing that part of detachment that includes choosing to accept another’s weird karma. Of course you may choose to disengage from the relationship or situation, after weighing your choices. Once a person has had the Awareness (usually over and over) that the situation at hand is adversely affected by others’ disrupting behavior, attitudes, or circumstances — and Acceptance  is the choice already made (“I’m staying because I love him that much!” “It means a lot to mean to keep trying!”) we now go into the Action mode of “how to” accept others’ negative karma.

If the situation is anything like what I faced in my marriage to Carter, that of his dangerous ex-spouse (she’d already falsely reported me to the authorities for unspeakable atrocities of immoral abuse upon her two kids), compounded by the eventual, unnervingly irritation of a difficult child (all step-families can attest this more common than not) — and again, I chose to stay and share my life with the husband I adored, not wanting to end our marriage because of others’ karma) — I then had to, over and over, as each circumstance arose anew, to choose to learn how to dance with others’ karmic tugs and pulls.

What do I mean by dance with others’ karma?

I mean just that. When one swirls and shimmies on a dance floor, you accept your partner’s funny quirks and rhythms, allowing for personality, peculiar idiosyncrasies, and note that a person’s flamboyance, style, or regional, cultural differences make that person the unique he or she they are. To dance with someone is not to undertake a mission to change that person. It means you simply agree, for however short or long the dance lasts, to choose to engage intimately with them. To dance. Sometimes cheek-to-cheek. But you are not joined at the hip, and the dance does not continue for eternity. And you can always leave, if you so wish. If one’s challenge is coming from the spouse or relationship-partner him- or her-self … well, this is a more challenging task, but not an impossible one. The same method of Awareness-Acceptance-Action applies to any situation one faces.

I’ll give the for instance of my darling Carter’s unfortunate habit of slovenliness. No matter how hard I tried to remedy this character defect of his, I finally came to the realization that messiness is simply his karma. Over the course of our 20+ year marriage I’ve gone through every bump and hole, pleading with him to try to change his ingrown habit. I came to understand that it was taught to him by parents who never expected their male children to do any domestic chores at all. Yes, I have silently cursed Carter’s upbringing for this nasty karma he brought into our marriage. But — how have I learned to not let my own mate’s distasteful karmic actions affect my own happiness?

First, I had the awareness that socks and underwear registered a big nothing on Carter’s consciousness screen. I’ll give him credit that today he does at least make an effort. But at the beginning of our partnering he chose to live with the pile of clothes I simply threw on his side of our bed that was conveniently camouflaged from the rest of the room, and others’ sight, until he got around to dealing with his own mess. I never allowed myself to be dragged INTO his bad karma with slovenliness along with him. It was HIS karma, not mine. I simply designed a way (arranging the room, getting him out of using drawers that he never could close, karmic-ally, and instead, using hidden-away shelves tucked away in a never-seen-by-others’ closet). To live with this man whom I love immeasurably, I had to accept he wasn’t ready (and perhaps was incapable) to address this strange karmic blip he’d come into the marriage with. And I certainly didn’t want to leave him for a pile of dirty clothes.

Can you imagine how ludicrous it would be for me to be approaching the judge to say, as I petitioned for divorce, “Well Your Honor, he simply won’t pick his clothes up — but everything else about our marriage is just great!”

We’ll talk about how to accept having a difficult child later on.

Deciding to Change Your Life

1.       Develop new, better habits

Give yourself 90 days to learn how to:

Eat better (educate yourself).

Exercise more.

Surround yourself with positive people and influences.

Stop watching the news.

Stop habitually talking to yourself (silently or out loud).

Stop whining.

Stop all mood-altering drugs, potions, poisons.

Make a plan.

Create goals.

Take ACTION: Especially this one, my favorite Life-Changer that worked miracles for me 30 years ago:

Repeat silently, in whatever fashion you can figure that will work for your beliefs and temperament, some phrase that simply says, “I honor my Higher Self.” Keep repeating this affirmation you create over and over, until it becomes a habit. It will take a minimum of 90 days to create any new habit, so please do NOT give up. When you forgot just remind yourself, gently, and start again, repeat your own-worded phrase that means, roughly, “I honor (respect) my Better Side, my Higher Self.”

2.         Stop judging

Give yourself credit that you’ll take 90 days to truly believe and know that All are part of the One. This is another way of saying that We are One, “We” being literally, everything—everything!—in existence).

This means, even though it may appear that someone or something is really awful, wrong, creepy, or even evil—their existence is part of the bigger, whole picture that you have no control over, but only the (unknown, un-named) consciousness that connects us all has. It’s like we’re in a giant ping pong match and the player is “Consciousness” (which some call Higher Power, others call Great Spirit, or God, or the Mystery) and our only job is to keep focused on the ability to CHOOSE to keep ping-ing and ponging, to live naturally (without drugs/alcohol/addictions). When we do this, and live naturally, we are living according to our Higher Self, and we have chosen to turn our backs on the ways of the lower self (to be explained below).

3.         Awareness — Acceptance — Action

In any category of your life (personal, work, social, health) once you have identified a challenge (let’s not call them problems shall we?), you have become AWARE of some area of your life that needs fine-tuning, change, improvement, or dismissing if appropriate. After a while, you may forget about it or slip into a state of denial about whatever is troubling your life. Until — Bam! It pops up again, and again, only worse each time. This time, right here and NOW — ACCEPT the situation that needs bettering. Once you have done this, you’ve practiced two out of the three steps of how to make a change: you’ve done awareness and acceptance, so the next step of changing is easy: and that’s to ACT. Take small steps. Make one simple goal. Do one phone call. Make one little change. Create an affirmation for your intent to change and pin it up somewhere you can see. Repeat it as often as you can. Do the above for ALL areas of your life that you’re working on. Become aware of the issue, accept that you need to change it, and then you’re ready to take action.

4.         You’re only as great as the company you keep!

Look at your life. Look at your friends. Look at your family. Are you surrounded by negatives? Well then, it’s time to either make some changes (if you can) or learn how to DETACH (more on that later).  Try shutting the TV off more often. Give yourself a break from the news. Glance at a newspaper if you must, but turn the TV news off (it’s all focused on negative aspects of any story).  Make efforts to get to know some new people. Visit your local health food store, ask them about groups that discuss positive things in life. Go to open-to-public AA meetings and become familiar with the wonderful spiritual fellowship that the 12-step programs use to live in harmony with difficulties and how they detach from life’s hassles.

5.         Train yourself to not stress!

Yes, you can, too! I know this sounds impossible, but with time (the 90 day-period, remember) anyone can learn to change. No doubt you tend to focus on negative aspects of life rather than the positives (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this, now would you?).  How do you not worry, be afraid, be sad, be depressed? Choose! Choose it and IT will be yours. Awareness – Acceptance – Action (remember these three steps with ALL the new positive choices you want to make in your life). Stress is only a matter of where the mind is focused. We can train our minds, just like a person can train a bad, unruly dog to be obedient and calm. How? Gently remind yourself that you choose not to focus on negative thoughts. When you feel yourself slipping, gently remind yourself that, “Oops! There I go again,” and bring your mind, that “bad unruly mind” of yours, gently back to the positive, mantra-like statement you chose to develop as a habit in #1: “I honor my Higher Self.” Do this as often as you have to until not “buying into” stress becomes as much a habit as the positive statement of “respecting my Better Side” that you’re teaching yourself to BELIEVE. Don’t forget! It will take a minimum of 90 days’ effort so please be patient with yourself. Don’t give up! A mental pattern (thinking negative thoughts) is a habit. And ONLY a habit. A very bad, very destructive habit that you can choose to change.

6.       Laugh, Love, and Lighten up!

Life is only a matter of a few years, decades, then poof! It’s over. So why not enjoy what you’ve got, even if you’ve got hassles, problems, health issues, or bad relationships. Why not? You deserve to be happy! Even rich and healthy people can choose to be unhappy if they wish. So choose to be happy and you will be, it’s that simple. Every person who is happy will tell you that they choose to be that way. Everyone has problems. A person with no problems could choose to be miserable if he or she chose to be that way.  If troubles come to you, please find someone you can share them with, not to burden them with your problems, but to share the burden. All humans have problems. People who care about others want to help the ones who are troubled to become less burdened. By becoming familiar with and visiting the 12-step rooms of recovery (in all the various forms of the Anonymous programs available everywhere) you will learn how this is done. Informally, easily, and honestly. It’s no big deal. Just spill the beans. Don’t keep troubles inside! They just fester and poison your mind, poison your heart, and ruin your chance for any happiness in life.

7.        Help Others

The best way to get out of your own problems is to help another. You think you’ve got it rough! Wait till you see so-and-so. This sharing of life’s burdens won’t increase your troubles, on the contrary, it will lighten the load of both you the helper and the other person you’re helping, increasing both your levels of self-esteem in the process. Compassion is the great glue of humankind. “Do to others what you want them to do to you.” If you’re hurting doesn’t it feel great if someone takes the trouble to help? Well … initiate the exchange and go find someone to help, even if it’s just taking a moment from your busy life to speak to a homeless person as if he or she is a real human being and not some pitied object people try to avoid.  Join the Charter for Compassion if you wish (Info on Charter for Compassion HERE) and help spread compassion throughout the world with this international grassroots movement that bridges all people, in all countries, no matter what culture, faith, or political situation they live by.

8.        Learn to Detach

Wha?? What gives? How can I help others if I’m detached. Isn’t that an oxymoron?

NO! Detachment does NOT mean you don’t care. Detachment means that you train yourself to not let any person, place, or thing rock you off that center of peaceful mental attitude that some call serenity, others call equanimity, some describe as contentment, and others think it’s just plain happiness. Let me explain serenity: it is not being in denial, or indifferent to what occurs (whether good or bad) but rather detachment is not letting any extreme (either good or bad occurrences) alter the well-earned peaceful state of mind some have even called bliss. Even when bad news happens, if a person has trained themselves NOT to react to bad news, a person will accept the bad news but NOT let it throw a wrench in their commitment to living life from as evolved a state of mind as they can. Of course this type of detaching-thinking takes practice.

How can a person practice or develop detachment?

Learn to become the “witness” to life’s events. Just pretend you’re watching yourself go through whatever is happening, but you’re not really “IN” it. Some would call this type of thinking, being “the Witness” a form of meditation, where the mind is urged to be emptied of thoughts. Others call “witness consciousness” a form of concentration or contemplation, where you urge your “bad unruly mind” to be still instead of letting it get bounced around by others’ weirdnesses. Train your mind to rest in a place that can be described as the Big Heart. THIS is “the Witness” that will help you keep detached from others’ behaviors, or life’s upheavals. It is that warm, fuzzy feeling that yes, does feel like it comes from your heart — when your heart and your mind have been opened and are fully in synch with your Higher Self.

9.       Commit to Living in Collaboration with your Higher Self

Life is all about choices, right? We’ve already established that with mundane habits such as bad vs. good diets, right amount or inadequate amounts of exercise to maintain good health, the company we choose to keep, detaching from difficult situations that would ordinarily ruin any chance of happiness one might have. Here, we’re now talking about the “Real Secret” to transforming your unhappy life into something like “Heaven on Earth.” I’m not being corny! Believe me, I’m speaking from personal experience. Please open your mind and believe what I’m about to say. We all have the choice to believe we are lowly humans, destined to lousy lives, pain, financial insecurity, conflicts, wars, gross injustices, political scams, etc. – in other words: we can believe that we are what some call “the lower self.” This is also known as the ego. That part of you that has been programmed to believe what you’ve been handed, beginning with your parents’ beliefs, your culture’s, your faith’s, ending with the government and society in general.

Well—get ready! Here too, in this category of “Who Am I?” you have a choice. You can choose, as I have, as countless scores have and will continue to do so, more and more in this coming age of enlightenment that is NOW — that we are much more than what we appear to be. WE have a Higher Self. That part of our human nature that is part of and intricately interwoven with ALL that is in existence.

Scientists have already proven that cells communicate from far corners of a person’s body, within each person’s body. Soon they will confirm the already suspected hypothesis that ALL in creation is connected by an invisible, unknown energy that can only be described as Oneness or Unity Consciousness. THIS is the part of you that you can choose to embrace. This consciousness within you is the Real YOU! You are within and part-of, and are equal to the consciousness that permeates all things. You have within you a Higher Self, a built-in communicator, enhanced and deepened profoundly, exponentially, by the amount of time you spend in thought-less (the “Witness”) meditation. This is how to awaken the Real You.

Learn to meditate. Learn to dwell on your Inner Self, which is part of and ONE with the consciousness that is within all of creation. If you don’t believe me, learn about the discoveries made by Stephen Hawking (click here for a TED talk by Stephen explaining the Universe) and other quantum physicists, expounding on the theory that was begun even before Einstein wrote about it. That we are all One. The Native Americans said so long ago: “We are part of the web of life. If one does something to the web, the entire web is affected.”

And finally, the ONLY thing you have to do to have a happy, fulfilled, impervious-to-fears-and-troubles life, IF you can’t do any of the other 9 above ….

10.      See God in All

This is not some rote religious command. This statement is a synthesis of all the discoveries, actions, new positive habits that one CHOOSES to practice described above. When a person is in good health, mentally, physically and spiritually — they see that we are connected to ALL in existence. This connection is energetic and has yet no name other than (a few examples) Spirit, the Divine, the Web of Life, and there are many others. People throughout history have been trying to describe this connection of energy, sometimes in myths, sometimes in legends, sometimes in ascribing magical, mystical, or divine powers to others who have tapped this Inner Power and spread the Good Word of its existence, and how easy it is to access, if only a person chooses to embrace it, use it, honor it, never forget it.

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Note to my reader:

I hope the above has helped you to courageously approach whatever situation you’re facing, and choose to change. I support your endeavors and will do anything I can to help you on your journey. If you have any personal questions or issues you’d like to share with me, I invite you to drop me an email: dearlordflea@gmail.com

With Great Love, Light, and Laughter shared with ALL,

Your pal Lord Flea

Everything begins with thought --- everything! Choice is thought in action

Sometimes a person who is considering an issue (like marriage with another who already has had children, or is already in a marriage that one thought was “safe” from the arduous chores of step-parenting) finds they are presented with a situation and it feels like they have no say about it.

don't be overwhelmed by choices ... be aware of choosing (tomas sanchez painting, thanks!)

I have a friend who mentioned this to me today, in fact, when she said, “But I had no choice about having to become the main “mom” to my husband’s children, when unforeseen circumstances happened and their caretaker (the bio-mom) could no longer care for them.”

I lovingly disagreed with my friend, who was unhappily reflecting her lot in life, that of “being forced” to be a stepparent.

“But Sharon,” I said, “every single act we undertake, or that happens around us — either our reaction to it or the actual action we take — is based on a choice we make, even if it’s to accept or reject what is happening. Oftentimes, I know, we’re not even aware that we have made a choice, but that, in fact, is what we do whenever an act or a decision is made.”

Adamantly, Sharon still disagreed. “No! It wasn’t like that for me. I absolutely did not want to be these kids’ stepmom, but because I love my husband, and feared I would lose him if I didn’t, I agreed. But only because I had to.”

“No, Sharon,” I softly said, “you’re looking at it all wrong. You most certainly had the choice. You could have said, ‘No’ to your husband’s request, especially because when you entered into this marriage you did so telling him, ‘No way would I ever consider being a real stepparent to your kids.’ You could have left the marriage. It was your choice. But you didn’t. I certainly know people who have, many in fact, who simply cannot abide the fact that someone else’s children come along with a relationship, like an unwanted gift package, like an unhemmed coat lining, unlikeable, messy, but part of the parcel when a person who has children by another falls in love with someone else.

“We all have choices,” I gently reminded Sharon. “We choose every single thing about life. Even when we feel that a situation is happening to us, against our will, like getting hit by a car, or contracting cancer, or getting a bum steer in the market, or finding you’ve married the wrong person. When we find ourselves up against a tough situation that feels horribly uncomfortable, and we honestly don’t want to be in it — it is US who chooses whether we will remain (psychologically, spiritually, or even physically) IN the situation.”

Sharon grew quiet now, and stopped her protesting. I couldn’t tell if she was opening to another way of looking at her dilemma, or if she just didn’t want to argue. We are good friends, so I continued.

In other words, if we don’t consciously know we made, or can make the choice, and really feel we don’t have any choice (otherwise known as the good old-fashioned victim role) this leads to unhappiness, depression, anger, sadness, etc. all bad, uncomfortable, unwanted emotions.

A choice is necessary in all situations in order to derive any degree of satisfaction from being involved in whatever the circumstance is. Let’s take the case of contracting a horrible disease.

Another friend of mine has recently been told she has virtually only months to live after the worst possible type of brain cancer was diagnosed. Right at that moment, when the doctors told her and her husband, she had a choice. She could either accept that she had contracted this horrible, terminal disease, and embrace it as a opportunity (allow me to use this analogy) for spiritual growth. Any dis-ease is a way of life reaching out and shaking us up, “telling us” some change needs to be made. Right then my friend could have chosen to take a serious look at her life, talk to close friends and ask their trusted opinion. If she had Maya could have realized that her thoughts, her actions (or lack of), her mental view of the world, her diet even — contributed to her dis-ease (or not) and then she could make whatever changes she needed in order to use the cancer as a “warning sign” that indeed, her life was out of balance.

By making the choice to change, miracles do happen surrounding dis-ease. Anyone who has ever read the story of Louise Hay’s remarkable recovery from terminal cancer — defying her terminal diagnosis, saying ‘NO!’ to the dreaded odds and living still today, many decades after she was given a death sentence — know what she did.

She chose to change. She chose to look at her cancer, even though doctors had given up on her, as an opportunity for spiritual growth, instead of merely accepting it as the death sentence that the medical world had given her.

Maya was given the same prognosis but, unfortunately, she did not believe that mental attitude, or the Spiritual Principle of Choice, has anything to do with whether she lives or dies. She has bought in, completely and totally, to the fact that she has a terminal disease. Instead of looking within, at herself, her attitudes, seeking guidance and making necessary spiritual changes (letting go of crippling judgment about others, including her estranged children, the biggest negative in her life, if she were only willing to be honest) — in its place she has become a bedraggled slave to radiation and chemo and is utterly exhausted, mentally and physically, yet still fights to live.

“So Sharon,” I said to my stepmom friend, “you’re no different than anyone else. You did accept, you did choose that being stepmother to your husband’s children, even though you thought you’d never want to do such a thing, ever! never! but you love him so much you thought you had to in order to keep him, literally, from leaving the marriage. As your dear friend, who loves you, please realize that you indeed did choose to embrace step-parenting. You could just as easily have said, ‘No’ and ended the marriage. But you didn’t. You considered all the options and you said ‘Yes’ and that, my dear, is a choice.”

Sharon shrugged her shoulders, not certain she was buying this attitude of choosing something she was finding so difficult, so distasteful. But at least now she’s thinking about it.

the flow of life is propelled by CHOICEs

be the REAL you!

Hi Friends,

You might have noticed the last two posts are different in that I’m discussing how I came to marry a man who was a “single mom” and by doing that, I chose to take on the role of “Angel Mom” to his two beautiful little kids. This choosing-to-nurture, both myself and others, will be the focus of my upcoming posts. After quickly getting out what has been on my mind for the last decade about this, I’ll then be combining all the posts, add some weird drawings of mind and make an ebook that I’ll be publishing with Amazon. Of course if any other topic crosses my mind in the process, I’ll be sharing about that. Thanks for your continued support in visiting Lord Flea where we can all Sing as One.

the Power of "I" (when properly nurtured)

Love and Light, your pal Lordflea